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The Tooth Fairy


Inspired by Noel of NY

CAST:
Tooth Fairy
Mom
Girl
Easter Bunny
PROPS/COSTUMES:
bed; door; teeth; tooth chart; bedside table; lamp. The pricing chart could look like this: 25 Molars, $1 Central Incisors, 50 Lateral Incisors, 25 Canines & Bicuspids, $2 Wisdom Teeth. Costumes: Tooth Fairy costume-tutu over jeans and t-shirt with wings, wand, and baseball hat; little girl-nightgown and glasses; Easter Bunny suit; standard Mom clothes.

SETTING: A girl's bedroom.

(A Girl is getting ready to go to sleep, and she still has her big glasses on. Her front tooth is blackened, so it looks like it is missing.)

(Mom comes in to tuck her daughter in.)

Mom:
You were such a brave girl today, taking out that tooth! I think somebody might be getting a visit from the Tooth Fairy tonight!

Girl:
(Sweetly.)

I'm putting my tooth under my pillow now so she can give me money for it. Mommy, do you think the Tooth Fairy will really come?

Mom:
If you believe in her, she will come!

Girl:
I love the Tooth Fairy.

Mom:
Good night sweetheart!

Girl:
Night Mommy!

(Girl puts the tooth under her pillow and switches off the light. Mom kisses her on the forehead. After Mom leaves, the Girl grins a toothless grin and lets out a mischievous cackle as she rubs her hands together.)

Heh, heh, heh!

(As the Girl slowly falls asleep, the Tooth Fairy enters the bedroom and starts to take the tooth from under the pillow, when suddenly the Girl wakes up.)

Girl:
Ah yes, the Tooth Fairy! I've been expecting you. Hmm...I didn't think you'd be a boy.

Tooth Fairy:
Listen, kid. You never saw me. Just go back to sleep.

Girl:
I have some questions for you.

Tooth Fairy:
I'm not here. You're actually dreaming! Shhhhh. Shhhushhie shush shushhie.

Girl:
(Accusatory.)

I thought you were supposed to be a girl.

Tooth Fairy:
And I thought you were supposed to be asleep! Now shut your eyes and go back to snorey snore-snore land.

Girl:
What do you do with all the teeth?

Tooth Fairy:
Come on, could you just go back to sleep?

Girl:
I want to know why you're buying all these teeth!

Tooth Fairy:
We sell them. We've got a business. You know those Styrofoam peanuts that you find in boxes? Those are made out of kid teeth. Okay?

Girl:
Ewww! Gross!

Tooth Fairy:
Hey, it's a living. Now go to sleep. Please.

Girl:
Okay, let's get serious. How much money do you have for me?

Tooth Fairy:
A quarter! Everybody gets a quarter.

Girl:
A quarter? I don't think you're following the most recent tooth exchange rates.

Tooth Fairy:
Oh no?

(The Girl pulls out a "Tooth Pricing Chart" and a pointer.)

Girl:
The European Euro tooth has been strong against the American Buck Tooth, but our dental market has been on the rise. Molars and bicuspids will run you about a quarter nowadays, but you've got a central incisor right there. That's gonna run you at least a dollar.

Tooth Fairy:
Oh boy.

Girl:
The dental inflation rate is increasing the price of teeth, but you should enjoy the current tooth economy while you can. These are just baby teeth. Wait 'til my wisdom teeth start coming in! Then we're talking serious cash! A dollar is nothin'!

Tooth Fairy:
(Dejected.)

Alright. A dollar sounds fair. I guess.

(The Tooth Fairy gives the Girl a dollar.)

Girl:
Pleasure doing business with you. And when you leave, tell the next person waiting I'm ready to see them.

Tooth Fairy:
Good night.

(The Tooth Fairy, defeated, leaves the room. He meets the Easter Bunny on the way out of the bedroom.)

Tooth Fairy:
Watch yourself in there. This girl is TOUGH!

(The Easter Bunny shrugs.)

(The Easter Bunny enters the room. As the door shuts, we hear the Girl's complaining voice.)

Girl:
Ah yes, I've been expecting you. WHAT was with those hollow chocolates you gave me this year! Chocolates shouldn't be filled with air, they should be filled with CHOCOLATE! And another thing, those pastel colors are SO 1986...


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