Newscaster 1, Bob:
I'm your anchorman, Bob, on at five
Reporting from Limerick News live,
Our cameras are rolling,
Let's cut right to bowling
We tell it straight with no jive.
SETTING: Bowling Alley
Newscaster 2, Doreen:
Hello, my name is Doreen,
Reporting live at the scene,
Of the Bowladrome fair
To see who will dare,
To be crowned the next bowling queen.
(Doreen holds mic. to Mary, a competitor)
I'm Mary, I knock the pins down,
Cause I want to wear that gold crown,
I've gotten ten strikes,
Like my new bowling spikes?
I bought them in pink, green, and brown.
Now traffic with our Ed McDow
I am next to the freeway right now,
The driving is slow,
I need you to know,
The traffic's held up by a cow?!
I'm chewing my cud as we wait,
For the farmer to open the gate,
To the new Main Street Bridge,
Just over the ridge,
I'm meeting a friend for a date.
So be sure to take route forty four
That will save you an hour or more
And now to Healthbeat,
Where the cures are complete
Stay tuned, we have lots more in store.
SETTING: Newsroom set of Healthbeat
If you have a bad stomach ache,
All you need is to know how to bake
Take some salt and some glue,
And a grasshopper too,
You'll feel better although you might shake
(He steps aside so audience can see the patient shaking.)
Signing off now, I'm Dr. Bean
My schedule says golf on the green,
Next up is the movies
With Kathy Shatoovey
She'll tell you what's hot on the screen.
Hi, I'm Kathy Shatoovey
Reporting on this week's top movie,
The winner is Zot
I won't tell you the plot,
But you can be sure, it is groovy!
Now let's turn it over to Rick
Who's live with the star of the flick,
SETTING: Red carpet movie premiere
Oh Paul, you were great
Now let's get this straight
Are you really tough as a brick?
Yes, it's true I work out every day,
I lift weights but I have to say
I'd rather be smooth
See my new dancing move?
I'm going to join the ballet.
And now it's time for the weather
Let's hear the latest with Heather
SETTING: newsroom weather set
(weatherwoman, Heather, is floating, weightless.)
Our gravity's low
At least there's no snow,
And I'm feeling light as a feather.
The skies are now cloudy and cool,
It appears to be raining gruel,
Wear some nasty old clothes
And pull out the hose
And forget about going to school.
Anchorman 1, Bob:
(Hand of make-up person enters screen to touch-up Anchorman's make-up.)
Goodnight, we must sign off the air,
We report, we work hard and we care,
Don't leave your room,
Stay tuned for Zoom,
(Hand of make-up artist takes Anchorman's toupee, revealing a bald wig.)
HEY, would you put back my hair!