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Fannee Doolee


By The ZOOMers

CAST:
Waitress
Fannee Doolee
Hostess
Waiter
Cook
Manager
Busboy Billy
PROPS/COSTUMES:
swinging door; menu; table; place setting; utensils; bill; pots; pans; salt; pepper; sign that says, "The Customer is Always Right"; pizzas; rolls; dishes; utensils including spoons; stool; menus; papers; pens; calculator; check; money; tray. Costumes: Fannee Doolee wears a dress and boots and anything else that has double letters; hostess costume; waiter costume; waitress costume; cook costume; manager costume; busboy costume.

SETTING: Restaurant interior with a table, place setting and chair.

(A Hostess seats a curly haired woman at her chair. The Hostess faces the audience while Fannee Doolee keeps her back to the audience who never see her face.)

SETTING: Inside the restaurant's kitchen, a cook makes pizzas, a waitress and waiter work on menus, a manager does accounting paperwork on a stool, and a busboy works on dishes.

Hostess:
(Comes through swinging door and speaks to kitchen staff.)

Listen up, everyone. We've got a tough customer. She wouldn't sit at table two, but liked table three, and wouldn't sit on a chair, but would sit on a stool.

(Grabs stool from underneath manager and goes back out through door.)

Manager:
Everyone, everyone, calm down. Chuck, you can take this one. Billy, prep the table. And let's remember:

(Points to sign.)

All:
"The customer is always right."

Waiter:
Gotcha.

(Waiter and Busboy Billy exit, and Hostess enters kitchen directly after them.)

Hostess:
Now she didn't want salt on her table, but would love more pepper.

(Exits through the door as Billy enters.)

Billy:
Alright, table three is VERY picky. She wants coffee with her meal, but doesn't want drinks. Oh! And she likes rolls, but doesn't want the bread. Oh, oh!

Manager:
If she wants rolls, she gets rolls. I always say...

All:
"The customer is always right."

(Billy says this as he exits with a basket of rolls.)

Manager:
Indeed.

Waiter:
(Enters through door.)

That's one funny lady. She only likes waitresses, not waiters. I feel rejected!

Manager:
I've said it once, and I'll say it again, "The customer is always right!"

(Exits as Busboy enters, carrying fork and knife.)

Billy:
Now she won't eat with the forks or the knives, only the spoons!

(Grabs more spoons, and exits.)

Hostess:
(Enters.)

Now she doesn't want lunch, only dinner. What's up with her?

(Exits as Busboy enters.)

Billy:
She doesn't want the margarine, only the butter. Oh, oh, oh!

(Exits as Waitress enters.)

Waitress:
Listen to this order: She would like pizza, but hold the sauce. She loves cheese, but won't eat dairy. And get this: She wants pepperoni, but can't have meat. And she wants green peppers, but not vegetables.

(Exits.)

Cook:
What?!?

Manager:
(Tentatively.)

The customer is always...right?

Billy:
(Enters.)

Now she's ready for dessert, but she doesn't want the sugar!

Hostess:
(Enters.)

She told me to bring her the bill, but she doesn't want the check!

Waitress:
(Bringing in check, money, and tray.)

She's gone! She said she loved food but wouldn't want to eat.

Manager:
(They all gather to look at check.)

Oh! No wonder! Look!

All:
It's Fannee Doolee! OHHHHHH!

(Fannee Doolee pops her head and hand through the swinging door making the a-okay sign. The audience sees her, but the restaurant staff does not.)


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