For over 30 years, Mister Rogers has offered an invitation to his viewers -- "Won't You Be My Neighbor?" The underlying message in that song has always been inclusive: everyone is included in this Neighborhood, no matter what he or she looks like...or what he or she can or cannot do.

All through the Neighborhood series, Fred Rogers has tried to help children to be accepting of people with disabilities. He sets the foundation by helping them feel good about who they are. He models warm relationships with "neighbors" who are differently abled. He balances what's different and unique about each one of us with what we all share, such as the need to be loved, to have friends, to play, to learn, to be included.

This week focuses on encouraging children to take time to know someone. Fred Rogers says, "Once you get to know people, you find that there is much more to them than what you see when you look at their 'outsides.' It's the heart and not just the eyes that discovers what's real about us."

Myths and Misconceptions

Some children are naturally accepting of differences, but others find that a great challenge, particularly when differences come from disabilities. Preschoolers are just beginning to learn about the world and about cause and effect. Since their thinking is still rather primitive, they have many misconceptions about their bodies, which can lead to irrational fears. If a stuffed animal's leg can come off, they think that maybe theirs can, too! They sometimes wonder if they can "catch" a disability.

Developmentally, four and five year olds tend to focus on differences, sorting things out in the world and categorizing them, matching things that go together. While that's an important skill for school, children soon learn that some differences are valued and others aren't.

Good and Bad

At this time in their lives, children focus a lot on what's "good" and what's "bad." They may wonder if a disability happens as a punishment for doing something "bad," if a person becomes blind from seeing something "bad" or deaf from hearing something "bad." And, of course, young children might be afraid that something similar could happen to them as they struggle to control their "bad" urges.

If those kinds of concerns aren't mentioned, they can easily turn into awkwardness, tension, and even fear. But when we encourage children to talk about whatever they're wondering, we often find that they become more accepting and empathetic. Asking and openly talking about differences helps children get beyond the fears so that they can feel more comfortable with people who have disabilities. As unique as each one of us is, we human beings are much more similar than we are different. That may be the most essential message of all, as we help our children grow towards being caring, compassionate adults.

Modeling Acceptance

When adults are uncomfortable and say things like, "Don't stare," and move children quickly past people with disabilities, the children pick up cues that certain differences mean "something's wrong" or should be avoided. Because children are sensitive to our verbal and non-verbal cues, it's particularly important that they see adults modeling acceptance.

Child care providers who work in an atmosphere that supports inclusion say that they have become better teachers for all the children in their care. They feel that learning how to deal effectively with a child who has disabilities has helped them learn to focus on both sides of every child, paying attention to the strengths while trying to understand the weaknesses. Isn't that what we all want, as children and as adults -- to be appreciated for all of who we are?

For more information about children and disabilities by Fred Rogers, visit our Family Communications web site.

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