Helping children feel comfortable with people who have disabilities begins with helping children feel good about their own uniqueness. When we show them that we love them for all of who they are, regardless of what they can and cannot do, they're more likely to grow up to be adults who accept others just as they are.

Categorizing Their World

Preschoolers are just beginning to be exposed to differences as they expand their interests to other people beyond the family. They're trying to make sense of the world by organizing things into categories. That's why they often become fascinated with matching and sorting games -- games about what's alike and what's different. They tend to categorize people that way, too. In their attempt to understand the world, their early categories can be quite rigid: old and young, light-skinned and dark-skinned, girls and boys, good and bad.

That's often why they may want to befriend children who are like them and feel uncomfortable with children who look and sound different from them. Also, a child can sense that adults are uncomfortable when they say something like "don't stare" or when they walk quickly by someone who looks different.

Can That Happen to Me?

Some differences can be particularly upsetting. Since young children don't know much about cause and effect, they can have many misconceptions about their own bodies. They may think that since a stuffed animal's leg can come off, maybe their leg could come off, too. They sometimes might even wonder if they could "catch" a disability by touching someone who has a disability or even by sitting in a wheelchair. They can be particularly fearful of older children and adults who cannot walk. After spending so much effort in recently learning to walk themselves, they may worry that they'll "forget" how to do it someday.

Attitudes are Caught, Not Taught

Children take their cues from the adults they love. There's an old Quaker saying that "Attitudes are caught, not taught." We help our children respect others in subtle ways -- by the way we adults greet people, talk with them, and talk about them afterwards. Children learn from our example.

Because of the misconceptions and fears that young children have about disabilities, parents need to encourage their children to ask questions, but parents need to be listeners, too. If your child has a question about a disability that you can't answer, you can say, "I don't know, but maybe we can find out." You could ask a person who has the disability to help you with your answer. Most people like to know you're interested in them. Of course, sensitive parents can help their children learn where, when, and how it's appropriate to ask their questions. Your children may feel more comfortable talking about such things with someone they know well, like an elderly family member or a neighbor.

Certainly children don't have to like everyone in the world. No one does. But with the help of the grownups in their lives, they can learn to be "neighborly" -- respectful, courteous, and kind. As children grow, they come to understand that if they take the time to get to know someone, they'll discover so much more about that person than what they thought at first.

For more information about children and disabilities by Fred Rogers, visit our Family Communications web site.

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