Many parents worry when their children do not share. But sharing is hard for a lot of children. That does not mean they are spoiled or selfish. It takes a long while for most children to be able to share.

Why is sharing so hard? For one thing, children don't understand what sharing means. If you ask them to share something, they think you are taking it away from them. They don't know they will get it back. They also have trouble thinking about what someone else wants -- they can think about only what they want. Sharing will come in time, as children live and grow up with adults who share.

Great good can come from sharing. We adults can help children come to know that. We can also help them with times when sharing is hard.

Let your Child have Some Things to Own.

Before children can "let go" of something -- to share it, they need to know what it means to "hold on" to something -- to own it. That's why it helps your child to have things that belong to just him or her.

Let your child have certain things that others don't take without asking. Those things may be a favorite stuffed animal, a new toy, or something special.

Some families find that if children have certain things they don't have to share, they may be more willing to give up some other things to another child.

Children Learn from Your Example.

Talk about times when you shared something (like your tools or your car) with someone in the family, a neighbor, or someone at work.

Let your child know how good you feel when you share something with him or her, like an apple, a cookie, or some time in a busy day.

Share some thoughts with your child about your day or how you feel. Talking about feelings helps people understand each other better. That is a kind of sharing we work on all through our lives.

Help your Child Feel Good about Sharing.

When we force children to share, they may want to hold on to things even more.

If we ask children to share the toy when they are done playing with it, we may be surprised to see how often they will share on their own.

Praise your child for the everyday moments that have to do with sharing. Look for times when your child is kind, shares, or thinks of someone else's feelings.

Your Loving Attention may Help your Child be More Willing to Share.

How children feel about sharing things may be connected to how they feel about sharing your attention -- with brothers and sisters, others in the family, or even people on the telephone.

Try to find "just you and me" time with your child.

• Read a book together.
• Have a meal or snack together, just the two of you.
• Do something together that is fun for both of you.

Plan Playtimes to Make Sharing Easier.

Some families let children decide which toys others can play with. They put away toys that children find too hard to share.

When there are many things to play with, sharing can be easier. Offer things to share like:

• crayons or colored markers
• blocks
• play clay
• a snack

Children may find sharing those things easier because they can give some away and still keep some.

Suggest play ideas where it helps to share or take turns, like:

• building with blocks
• making long paper chains
• playing "catch" with a ball
• going on a see-saw

When children are learning to take turns, they may want to use a timer. With a timer, children trust that when they give up a toy, they will get it back when the timer rings.

Remember, it takes a long time for children to be able to share. For some children, sharing is easier. Other children may need more caring help.

For more information about sharing by Fred Rogers, visit our Family Communications web site.

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