A parent once shared this story with us: "At first when I dropped my son off at child care, he said 'goodbye' and practically pushed me out the door. But when the next Monday came, he did a complete turn-around -- crying and clinging. His caregiver told me that some children hold in their fears and feelings at first, and being home on the weekend could remind them how much they like being with the family. She suggested that instead of telling him that he seemed to need me to stay a while, it could be helpful to say that it was I who needed to spend some more time there in the mornings. For the next couple of weeks, I stayed a bit longer, and my son seemed to feel much better when it was time for me to say goodbye...and frankly, I did, too."

Feeling Separate

It's about the age of three when a child begins to get a confident sense of his or her own separateness from anyone else. During those first three years, separation from their parents -- the people whom children feel closest to (even feels part of) -- can be upsetting.

Trust Takes Time

It takes some time before children feel secure at a child care setting. They can't feel safe until they trust their new caregiver, and they can't trust until they come to know that person and develop a relationship with her or him. Trust builds over time. For some children that takes longer than for others.

It's OK to Feel Sad

Children grow in their ability to handle separations when we let them know that it's okay to feel sad and angry at first...and that little by little, they'll feel better and find different things to enjoy. If grownups make children feel babyish for crying or being sad, those children may get even more upset. When children hear that their feelings are natural and normal, they are more likely to manage better.

Learning the Routine

Since children don't understand the child care routine at first, they don't know when parents will come back -- or if parents will come back. It is only when they learn, day by day that their parents come for them when they say they will, that they learn to trust that times of separation will be followed by times of being together again.

When "Goodbye" from a parent gets to mean "I'll be back later," it becomes a good word. The caring way you help children adjust to child care or preschool is strengthening the foundation for the separations children will be dealing with in years to come.

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