Parents want to take good care of their children. That's a big part of why most parents leave them to go off to work. But that's not an easy connection for children to make. In their way of thinking, "If you really love me, why don't you want to be with me all the time?" It's hard for them to say "Goodbye" each day to people they love -- especially in the early days of their child care, at particular times in their development, and also after a long holiday vacation.

Not What We May Expect

It's no wonder that the end-of-the-day reunions can seem very different on both sides. One mother told us, "On the long ride home, I find myself picturing my son running up to me with a big bear hug," she said. "But when I get to his child care, he's likely to act as if he doesn't see me at all. Once he even ran to his teacher and cried that he didn't want to go home. A couple of times he's been rude and grumpy to me and won't get his coat on, so I have to pick him up and take him out the door by force. What a way for our evenings together to begin!"

Building Trust

Even though that scene may have seemed unpleasant, her son was probably happy and relieved deep down inside to be with his mother again. On the surface, though, he may have been showing his anger at her having left him in the first place. As he gets used to his mother's going off to work and returning at the end of each day, he'll most likely find it easier to trust her to return the next time she leaves. Maybe he's hoping he can stop her from going away, but as he comes to accept that he can't, he'll probably start greeting her more positively.

A child's "cold shoulder" at the end of the day can leave parents surprised and even hurt. But those parents may be able to take comfort in the thought that it probably means that they are loved...and loved a lot.

Helpful Hints:

• When you're picking up your child at the end of the day, linger a bit and show an interest in what your child has been doing. Some children need a little time to stop playing and get ready to leave.
• Be prepared for some "goodbye" and "hello" times that may be harder, like after a holiday or when your child isn't feeling well or when there's a different teacher.
• While it may seem easier at first just to slip out the door with no goodbye, that may make separation more difficult. Your child will likely have a harder time trusting when you will go and when you will come back
• Talk with your child about leaving and coming back. You might want to ask,"Why do people go away? How does it feel to miss someone you love? How does it feel when you and that someone are back together again? "
• It helps children to know their parents miss them, too, and that their parents love them even when they can't be with them.

Remember that your child is glad to see you at the end of the day, even it if doesn't always look like it.

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