A boy once wrote to us after his birthday party. "I'm mad and sad," he said. "I didn't want my friends to go home." Somehow his special day had fallen short of his hopes, and right then, it wasn't a "Happy birthday" celebration at all. Hopes are human...and so are disappointments.

Birthday Disappointments

The mother of the birthday boy added to his letter, saying she told him she understood how hard it was for him when his friends left and offered to invite them another day. By helping him write and put his feelings into words -- "mad" and "sad" -- she was giving him a healthy way to handle his disappointment. Perhaps, too, talking about what made him upset might have also helped him consider that the whole birthday wasn't a disappointment, that there were some really fun parts to it.

Making a Wish List

Before such celebrations, it can help to put something else into words -- expectations. If we can help children talk about how they want their special day to be, we might help them be more realistic. One girl who did that found herself laughing because the more she talked about it, the more she realized that her "wish list" was much too far- fetched. There's another way in which it helps to talk about such expectations. Once we tell people who love us some of the things we're hoping and wishing for, those people might be glad to help some of those hopes and wishes become a reality.

Most days have sweet and sour mixed together. How helpful it is to be able to grow into the kind of person who accepts that mixture as part of the spice of life.

Helpful Hints about Celebrations:

• Celebrate the small things that happen, like seeing someone help another person or noticing a flower blooming or an interesting stone.
• Make a celebration at the end of the week. Maybe light a candle, have a small snack, and just a few minutes of quiet.
• Help your child manage birthday party celebrations by limiting the number of guests to the age of the child.
• Try to be understanding when your child fusses or cries at family celebrations and make some quiet time away from all the stimulation.

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