Many children have a hard time when they start child care. Child care is a new place with new people. Children feel safe when they're with family or others they know well. Until they know the teacher, they may not feel safe. They don't understand time, so they don't know when you will come back -- or if you will come back.

It can be hard for parents to leave their children, too. Parents want the joy of helping their child grow and learn new things. It can be hard for parents to share their child's love with someone else, like a child-care provider. But the love between a parent and child is very special and very strong. No one else can take your place.

Children Need Time to Get Used to New People and New Places.

Before your child starts at a new child care place, it's important to visit there with your child.

• On that visit, be sure to stay with your child. Then your child can learn about the people and the place, feeling safe with you nearby.
• Show your child all the rooms the class uses -- even the bathrooms.

Remember, teachers know children have a hard time at first. That can help you feel better. Your child may feel better if you do.

When your child starts child care, try to stay with your child a while the first day or more.

Some children need a longer time to feel comfortable in a new place. It may help if you can stay a while, but go away a little bit longer every day.

When Children have Routines about Saying Goodbye, they Manage Better.

Try not to be rushed.

• Go in with your child each day.
• Say hello to the teacher.
• Help your child settle in.
• Be sure to tell your child you will be back.

If you just slip out the door with no goodbye, your child may have a harder time learning to trust when you will go and when you will come back.

Some families have a special way to say goodbye, with words or "high 5's" or a hug.

When you are ready to leave -- go. It's harder for your child when you change your mind.

Be Friendly with the Person who Takes Care of your Child.

Spend time talking with the provider or teacher.

• Smile and talk kindly. Then your child sees that you like and trust each other. Your child wants to like the people you like.
• Let the teacher know if something at home upset your child. Your child may need more comfort on those days.
• At the end of the day, ask the teacher about your child's day.

Your Child has Lots of Feelings about Being Away from You.

Let your child know you understand it is hard when you have to be apart. Lots of children are sad and angry about that.

• When children know their feelings are ok, they can start to manage better.
• If you make your child feel babyish for crying or being sad, your child may be even more upset.
• At the end of the day, your child may not want to talk with you or go with you.
• Or your child may need a little more time to stop playing. It helps if you can stay a little and see what your child is doing.

Remember, your child is glad to see you, even if it doesn't always look like it.

Getting Used to Child Care Can Take a While.

• Children may think child care is just for a few days. They may get upset later when they realize they go day after day.
• Some children hold in their sad and angry feelings at first. They may let those feelings out weeks or months later.
• Let your child take a stuffed animal or favorite toy. It helps them to have a part of home with them -- even if they cannot play with that toy.

Remember that children need your help to get used to a place again:

• after vacation or illness,
• when there is a different teacher,
• when children go to a different place for child care or go to a new room in the same child care center.

If your child is upset for a long time:

• Talk with the teacher, child-care provider, or director at the center.
• Visit so you can know about your child's care there. The setting may not be the best place for your child.
• Talk with other parents or your child's doctor and know you are doing the best you can.

If you are interested in more information about Going to Child Care by Fred Rogers, please visit our Family Communications website.

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