Competition is with us from very early childhood, probably from the time that a baby comes aware that mother's love and attention have to be shared with others. That's when a child is really likely to start wondering, "Why can't I be first?"

The Desire to be Loved

Striving to do one's very best is certainly character building, but children need support in feeling good about trying hard particularly when someone else actually wins the game. Of course it's exhilarating to win and disappointing to lose, but so often we confuse winning or losing with self-worth. That's because at the roots of competition is the need, the desire to be loved. The sadness which comes from losing often comes from the feeling that others are more loved than we are.

Competition Can Be Unhealthy

Some aspects of competition can be plainly unhealthy. Children should never be made to feel they have to compete for love or friendship, and when children express themselves in a creative way -- in art or dance or music or writing -- they should not feel that the value of what they do depends on how "well" they do it compared to someone else. Whatever a child makes or does has unique value of its own because it is the expression of a unique human being. That's true for all of us at all ages.

Back to Theme