We are hearing from child-care providers and early childhood professionals that more and more children are coming to child care today with less impulse control and less ability to stop themselves from doing something they shouldn't do.

Working on Control

The lack of control is affecting children's ability to learn, to play, and to get along with others. Working on inner controls is related to so many tasks of childhood -- learning to cooperate, following safety rules, and learning self-management tasks like controlling their bodies for toilet training.

All through the series, the Neighborhood offers building blocks that help children develop the ability to know when to "go" and when to "stop." These are the same building blocks you offer, as you help them trust their environment and the people in it, feel good about who they are and who their "neighbors" are, recognize themselves as separate and independent, be aware of body boundaries, understand that feelings are natural and can be expressed in healthy ways, and care about other people's feelings.

Setting Limits is Part of Loving

Children need and want limits and boundaries. And they need and want caring adults who understand that setting limits is a part of loving...and that it can take a long while to be able to stay in the limits. Finding the appropriate balance between kindness and firmness -- when to say yes and when to say no -- isn't easy for most adults, but it is important if we want children to grow in their ability to know when to go and when to stop.

It's hard for children to understand the reason for rules and limits that we set for them. That's why they need adults to provide caring supervision -- stopping them at the curbside, fastening their seat belts before driving a car, having them wear helmets when they ride a trike. Gradually children will learn to follow the rules by themselves.

Here are Some Things You Can Do with Children to Set the Stage for Safe Behavior:

Talk about Safety

Talk with the children about ways to keep safe around the classroom, in their homes and in the community. For instance:

• Explain that traffic lights can let us know when it is safe to go and when to stop.
• When there is no stop sign or traffic light, we keep safe when we stop and look both ways for cars.
• Wearing seat belts in the car is a way to stay safe if the car stops suddenly.
• Wearing bicycle helmets keeps children safe in case they fall.

Most adults find that it's enough to say, "I don't want you to get hurt." Talking about possible accidents in graphic detail can make children overly fearful.

Help Children with Feelings about Rules

Children may have strong feelings about following rules, especially rules they don't understand. Giving them a chance to talk about those feelings can be a way of managing them.

• Let the children know you care about their feelings, but that safety rules are important. You can say something like, "You don't have to like the rule, but you still have to go along with it."
• Let the children know that it can be confusing when rules seem to change. Talk with them about times when it is all right to do something and times when it is not -- like singing loudly is okay when a baby is awake, but not when a baby is sleeping.

For more information on helping children develop self-control, visit our Family Communications web site.

Back to Theme