Some things we can give and, some things we can't, especially when we're very young. We had a letter from a preschool teacher whose group of three year olds delighted in making Valentines for their parents. The teacher decided to add another dimension to the project by suggesting they put the Valentines into envelopes and mail them to their families. That way, she thought, they could also learn about the mail and get an outdoor walk, as well.

A Part of Them

The children started on the way to the mailbox, proudly carrying their envelopes, but when it came time to put them in the mail slot, some of them held on to their creations. They refused to let them go! The teacher quickly realized that letting go was just too hard for them, and she revised her plan. They could deliver the envelopes themselves. Later the teacher discovered that some of the children didn't even want to let go of their Valentines to give them to their parents...on Valentine's Day itself! Their creations had so much of themselves in them that the Valentines were essentially a part of them, and letting go meant letting go of a part of themselves.

There are certain times in children's lives when they seem to have an extraordinary need to hold on to things. Trying to force them to let go can make them want to hold on even tighter.

Holding on also tends to be a way for some children to react to stresses in the family, like the birth of a new baby, starting school, or toilet training. Whatever is causing their uneasiness, children need our patient understanding. Even though it is natural for them to hold on to some things now to help them feel secure, they can still grow up to be people who are generous.

Giving and Receiving in Child Care

All through your day, you're giving gifts to the children in your care. Your gifts can be as basic as when you give your time and attention, your comfort, and your help with limits. And they can be as delightful as reading a book that you love or sharing with them something else you like to do.

You're also giving to them when you lovingly receive the gifts they bring to you -- including the treasures they've made, their ideas and stories, and perhaps most importantly, their confidence in sharing with you some of their very real feelings. Working with children probably taught you, as it has us, how much we receive when we give, and how much we give when we receive.

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