This week features a musical story written by Fred Rogers called "Josephine the Short-Neck Giraffe." In it, Josephine tries everything to make her neck grow, because she wants so much to be like other giraffes.

Of course, there's nothing she can do, but with the help of her friend Hazel, an elephant, and a shy giraffe called J.R., Josephine does some growing inside and comes to accept her shortcomings. The story ends with the message, "The best times are times when you're glad to be you."

We All Struggle with Being Ourselves

We received a letter from a parent who wrote, "Mr. Rogers, how do you do it? I wish I were like you. I want to be patient and quiet and even-tempered and always speak respectfully to my children."

"But," she goes on, "That just isn't my personality. I often lose my patience and even scream at my children. I want to change from an impatient person into a patient person, from an angry person into a gentle one."

Trying Our Best

Here's how he answered her:

"Looking back over the years of parenting that my wife and I have done with our two boys, we certainly weren't "perfect" parents. We had plenty of inappropriate responses. Both Joanne and I can recall many times when we wish now we'd said or done something different, but we didn't, and we've learned not to feel too guilty about that. We always cared and always tried to do our best."

Just think for a minute, though, what a child might want from a "perfect" parent. Almost every child goes through a stage of having fantasy parents who are all-loving and all-giving. Those ideal parents may be kings and queens in fairy tales, heroes, or movie stars. What they all have in common is that they would fulfill all of a child's wishes. Real parents, of course, can't do that -- and wouldn't, even if they could. Real parents express their real love by setting and enforcing healthy limits on what their children can do and what they can have.

Being a "Good" Parent

It takes time for children to understand what real love is. It takes time, too, for parents to understand that being always patient, quiet, and even-tempered isn't necessarily what "good" parents are. Parents help children by expressing a wide range of feelings, including anger, in appropriate ways. All children need to see that the adults in their lives can feel angry and not hurt themselves or anyone else.

Fred Rogers had a deep respect for the mother who wrote that letter. He sensed how much she cared about her children. She could express both love and anger, and she could talk about her feelings. She also identified some admirable qualities to strive for. She, like Josephine the Short-neck Giraffe, was growing to feel glad about who she is.

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