There often comes a time in a family's life when it seems like a good idea to have a pet. It may be that there's an only child in the family, and so a pet appears to be a ready-made companion. Or there may be several children, and a pet simply offers to add another dimension to the many layers of caring (and confusion) of family life.

Preparing your Child  

You may want to consider starting with a small pet, such as a fish, a bird, a gerbil, a hamster, a turtle, or a guinea pig. Caring for those pets it not terribly demanding. Also that kind of pet is mostly for watching rather than handling, so with them children can begin to learn about animals in a simple way.

Before you bring a pet home, you might want to help your child practice "gentle touching" by stroking a stuffed animal. Remember that young children are impulsive and they're just learning to control their hands and legs, so you may have to give a number of reminders about "gentle touch."

When a little pet is scurrying around or your cat is meowing or the dog is barking, you might ask your child, "What do you think he (or she) wants?" That can help your child think of the pet as a creature with needs and feelings and begin to respond with compassion.

When a Pet Dies -- Helpful Hints:

The death of a pet reminds us all, young and old, that sad things happen in life. It's natural to miss a beloved pet, and to cry, no matter how old we are.

• Everyone in the family has special memories and a unique relationship with the pet, and each one has his or her own unique way of dealing with death. Encourage your child to talk about the pet's death so you can better understand what such a loss means to your child.
• Whatever we can talk about can be far more manageable than if we don't talk about it. Also, looking at photos and talking about memories can help children know there are ways to keep their pets "alive" in their hearts.
• Playing with a stuffed animal can give children a way to express their feelings and find comfort when a beloved pet dies. They might pretend to make their pet come alive again. In children's pretend play, they can be in control of what happens. Their drawings can help in that way, too.
• Give your child time to grieve. Understanding what death means will come little by little. It often takes some time for children to be ready to accept a "replacement."
• While much about death is a mystery, there are some things children can understand. For instance, we can tell them things like "When a pet dies, it doesn't need to eat, it can't see or hear, it isn't breathing and moving anymore -- and it won't come back to life again."
• Children are quite literal, and they can be terribly afraid to go to sleep at night if they've heard about a pet "being put to sleep." They need to know that death is not like a daytime rest or a nighttime sleep.
• Children may think a pet died as a punishment for being "bad." It's important for them to hear that all pets and all children do "bad" things now and then. They also need to know that it wasn't anything they did that made the pet die -- and they cannot make it come back to life again.
• Many families find it helpful to have a funeral for the pet. Just being together, sharing thoughts and feelings with family and friends, can begin to make children feel better and help them remember the happy times with their pet.

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