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Has a friend ever put you down in front of you or behind your back? How did it make you feel?
--From Brittney

We got so many answers to this question that we ran out of room! Take a look at what others had to say, and send us your response on other topics.

   

Other "You Said It"
Topics in Friends:

"YES! Well...it's kind of a long story. My friends (Ray, Linny, and Chiqui/Taylor) all have big chests. So I bought a 32-A bra and wore it to school. Turns out all day they were talking about me and making fun of me. Then they told me that day that it looked gross. Now they hang out only with each other and don't invite me anywhere and don't want to hang out with me. It makes me feel really mad. My friends also judge me and make such a big deal out of my chest size. I just want them all to stop!"
--Lena, 13

"That is something that happens with at least one friendship in your life. It turns into this big mess. My ex-best friend, Jade, starting spreading rumors about me and my other friend, Felicity. She misunderstood what we had said about her, so she went to some girl named Heather, who she said she hated and became really good friends with her. It doesn't hurt me that she's not my friend anymore, but that I never knew how mean she could be!"
--Taylor, 11

"This girl named Marlie told everyone that I was a wimp because I had to leave for a doctor's appointment when a test was about to start. She said, 'Oh don't play with Carissa. She is a sneak,' but everyone still played with me."
--Carissa, 10

"Yeah, it's happened. My ex-friend Kelly told her sister that I was a brat because I hung out with Lauren, Kirsten, and Elizabeth (the popular girls). Then she told her other friends, but they still were nice to me except Aviva who started ignoring me. They were very mean to Kirsten, but I stood up for her and they started to be nice to me again (but it was totally fake!"
--Liz-Ray, 11

"Yeah I've had a friend put me down. I didn't take it too badly though because I think that she doesn't mean to be mean, she just speaks before she thinks. So we are still good friends."
--Courtney, 13

"My best friend is always putting me down. Every day she's looking for ways to make my life miserable."
--Hannah, 11

"This isn't really a put-down, but the weekend before my birthday I was having this huge sleepover. I was totally excited and two of my friends had already planned a canoe trip that day and couldn't come. The canoe trip was canceled because it was a rainy day so one of my friends came. The other one couldn't and another friend could not come either. She said her grandmother was in town. SAID. The other day the friend who was going on the canoe trip and ended up coming to my party, was going somewhere and she told me that the girl who was going to go on the canoe trip and didn't come to my party had had her own sleepover that night! She knew full well she should have gone to my party! What made it worse was that she invited the people who she knew were coming to my party and the girl who said her grandmother was in town had gone to it. I always thought the girl was nice but what kind of a messed up jerk would try to sabotage somebody's birthday???? They can have a sleepover anytime but birthdays only come once a year!!!"
--Me

"Sometimes they do that because they are trying to distract me from my goals and I just get mad because I want to accomplish it."
--Russell, 12

"There is a really mean girl at my school and she pretends to be my friend when we are around grown-ups but whenever she is with the 'popular' kids she is so mean to me and puts me down. In front of my face or behind my back, it hurts either way."
--Abby, 13

"I found out from a friend that another friend has been really mean about me behind my back. My advice is don't ignore it because no so-called 'friend' should be able to do that to you. I confronted my friend about it and she explained why she did it and we're friends again now, so don't be scared of confrontation because it might all just be a giant misunderstanding."
--Emma, 13

"My friends usually put me down. Like if I put on different make-up, one of my friends, Sierra says, 'Take it off, that looks ugly', even if my other closest friends and cute guys say I look pretty. She usually says bad things to me but I shake it off."
--Becky

"When friends put you down, it is pretty hard. You have no one to talk to about your problems."
--Stephanie, 12

"I admit it, I have put down my 'friend' twice. But don't worry, I won't put any of you down. Oh yeah, and I have been put down before about five times."
--A., 10

"One day I was at PE and my friend Cindy was telling stuff that was not true. I was so mad but we made up. HAVE A NICE DAY :)"
--Vivian, 11

"When I was in sixth grade, my best friend Michael and I had a five month fight. I wouldn't do anything bad towards him though. Well…there were times where we would get into fights and I would always win. I've never lost one against ANYONE. But there are times where he'd call me 'it' or 'Heather' and then he'd go into really really downward stuff. I'm not going there because there that is really gross and wrong and just plain hurtful. The thing is, I ignore them. He was doing all that for what reason? I have no idea because I never did anything to him."
--Tifa

"Sometimes my friends put me down but I know they never really mean to hurt my feelings so I usually ignore it. Sometimes I tell them to stop it though."
--Stephanie, 11

"Well I really don't let people put me down. I don't like getting stepped all over. If someone says a rude comment to me, they should get ready for a war!!! There is this girl named Catlin and she was my first friend in 7th grade. In middle school she thought she was just the greatest but I found out who she really was. She just tries to please everyone she thinks is cool. She tries to be someone she's not. THATS LIKE THE WORST QUALITIY IN MY WORST NIGHTMARE LIST OF FRIENDS. TRIYING TO BE SOMEONE YOU'RE NOT WOULD BE THE #1 WORST QUALITIY!!!"
--Rachel (llama), 12

"I agree. This girl named Lauren drew a Iimo with chalk. A group of girls played with her. They made me sit in the back seat. I was SO left out. This girl named Jessica made me feel better. This happened today in the yard at recess. Also today, my best friend put me down in front of me. But at lunchtime, she sat next to me. She had blueberry muffins but she said they were chocolate chip muffins."
--Cara

"Well at the beginning of middle school (I'm in 7th grade), I met this girl and everyone said she was a back stabber but I ignored them because she was nice to me. Then she became selfish and she came over to my house and complained that it was too small. I told her that her house wasn't all that big and she got mad at me. She still thinks I like her and all my friends know I don't. She is what you would call a 'poser' because she goes around telling everyone I'm a 'punker.' I told her punkers don't go around telling everyone that they are punker. She tries to be someone she's not to impress people but all it does is keep you mad and it is not cool. Just be who you are and if people don't like it then that's their problem."
--Rachel (llama), 12

"Hey. Yeah, I have a friend that puts me down A LOT! Her name is Iris and she is always putting me down in front of me AND behind my back. I just wrote her a letter telling her this and that I hope she can stop. I hope she understands. She always tells me that I bother her and that I am so stupid. I guess she doesn't realize that it hurts."
--Cathy, 11

"No, never!! I have great friends. I can always count on them!!!"
--Lindsay, 11

"My so called friend Shelsea put me down behind my back. It made me feel bad because she said I was her best friend. I deal with it by calling her and asking her questions like, ‘Why did you say that?’ I only do that if I know they said something bad about me or a friend of mine."
--Duchana, 11

"No, I can't say I have. I've two very close friends and that's it. We mess around a lot but never mean anything we say about each other. That could be looked at as hurtful but we don't try to be mean. If someone is trying to be mean to you, would that really be a friend? I don't think so! Heh. So anyway, yea, if anything ever seems too close to the line of being hurtful, one of us points it out, we pass our apologies around and avoid mentioning it ever again. But we don't put each other down."
--Bryan

"Yes, I have a friend named Jeanette who always tries to hurt my feelings. She always yells out who her best friend is and she even told me that I wasn't her best friend and it really hurt, I felt like going to the bathroom to cry. Jeanette wasn't supposed to tell me that. Why didn't she just keep her mouth shut?:("
--Stephanie, 13

"No, I tried to find out what they were mad at me for and then I said, 'You had a very good reason to be mad at me.' After a week or so they came back to their senses."
--Sara, 10

"I had a friend who turned me down so I waited until she begged me back! And she did!"
--Marissa

“Yes, that’s happened to me because my friend told her that she needs permission for her to talk to me and it’s annoying because she gets mad at that.”
--Nicole, 11

“All I did was go and find some other friends to hang out with until my other friends chilled.”
--Alison, 11

"My friend Maril turned me down because she let Breu see-saw with her. I was there first and we were having a big fight."
--Laura, 10

"It made me feel sad."
--Kendra, 10

"My friend put me down when I told her a secret and she told that person and I got mad at her. Her name is Julia."
--Camenda, 8

"At choir whenever I sing, she makes fun of me or says that I'm not good."
--Tiffany, 12

“I had this friend who was in my class. She used to be my best friend but in the summer before 5th grade, she changed. Now whenever I say the littlest thing like excuse me, she gives me a bad look and then moves away. She is now my enemy. I feel kind of sad because we used to tell each other everything.”
--Jillian, 11

“One day a friend told a classmate that she was only my friend because she feels sad for me because I had no friends, meaning she was not a real friend.”
--Pamela, 11

“Me and my friend were telling secrets and we promised each other that we wouldn't tell anybody. Then I told her I had a big crush on a kid in her class named Andrew. When we went outside all of a sudden she blurted to everybody, ‘Hey everybody! Olivia likes Andrew!’ Is there any way to trust her again?”
--Olivia, 10

“Yes, she was very mean to me and constantly lied. She said I was too clingy which I'm not. She called here practically every day this summer! We're NOT friends anymore.”
--Mallory, 13

“Cassie, my former friend, would say mean, harsh things about me behind my back and was only a friend to me when it was convenient to her. I was in this friendship until the summer before this year when I realized she would never change unless I got popular.”
--Danielle, 12

“My friend has put me down before. She said it was my problem.”
--Candice, 8

“In fifth grade I told my ‘friend’ many secrets. Then my other friend told me that my ‘friend’ said I was annoying and that she didn't like me and said she was going to tell my secrets to people. I talked to her and told her that if she was doing this that I don't want her as my friend because I trusted her and told her things.”
--Dara, 12

“It makes me very upset and sad! There are still other friends to talk about it with.”
--Samantha

“I was trying to help my friend in a fight and she said, ‘Leave me alone, fatty.’”
--Kadejah, 9

"I can still remember a time when my friend put me down. I told her my crush was Scott and she told him. Scott already had a girlfriend. That made me feel so down."
--Jessica, 9

"One day at school I was at my locker and I was talking to my friend. She said, 'You're so stupid. You can't even say anything'. I started to cry."
--Tabitha

"My friend Nicole wasn't that bad at the beginning, but now she's not very nice. At choir practice she kept poking me and trying to play hand games with me. HOW CAN I PLAY WHILE I'M SINGING? On my 9th birthday party she didn't show up and she was supposed to be one of my best friends! Unfortunately, she was sick and I believed her. At my 10th birthday party, she REALLY made me disappointed. She said she was sick again. Actually, this girl named Catalan (whom I didn't know) told me that Nicole was sick. I didn't think she was this time. I think she just didn't want to come to my birthday party. She could've just told me! I wouldn't get mad. You don't have to come if you don't want to anywise. Ugh!"
--Samantha, 10

"Keondria is my best friend but when she is around bad girls she is different."
--Vanessa, 13

"My friends were mean to me one day. I don't know why but I found out. They didn't like the new girl that was just my friend. I tried to make them like each other and it worked. If you ever have friends that turn on you, try to ask them and then fix the problem. If you have a very close friend and they turned on you for no such reason, they aren't really good friends. Try to work things out and try not to break your friendship."
--Cora, 12

"My friend had this kitten he said he would always keep because we loved taking care of it together. My neighbor asked to keep it and he said yes and that night I went inside and cried all night. He didn't understand. He thinks my neighbor wants to be his friend but she only likes him for the cat. She did that to me when I got a puppy. I feel like I am losing my best friend. Do you have any suggestions for either?"
--Tiana, 9

“One day at a chorus rehearsal I was wearing a necklace with my name on it. My friends, who always surround me at chorus, noticed and began calling out similar words. ‘Vertical!’ ‘Verpoop!’ and ‘Fertilizer!’ That did it! For a month afterwards ‘Fertilizer was my name. Icky! I never wore that necklace again.”
--Veronica, 10

“I feel disrespected. I get the feeling they don't like me. But when I go home I write it in my diary and I feel better.”
--Hayley

“I have many friends that put me down, especially at the end of a school year. I just find a new friend. Chances are this friend will not let you down if you tell them what happened between you and your other friends. They will feel sorry for you.”
--Alyssa, 10

“We have a friend named Lindsay. She used to always make us upset when we had a club called M.E.L. We got into all kinds of fights! Now she has a new friend named Jerica. Lindsay & Jerica sent a boy to spy on us.”
--Emily & Megan, 10

“One of my friends has put me down before, I felt like I didn't need to be around her anymore and at the same time I felt really upset.”
--Paige, 10

“That same thing always happens to me!!!!”
--Luke

“I have had friends put me down both in front of me and behind my back. In fact, the ‘friend’ that did it the most was supposedly my best friend. It made me so mad. People would tell me they were talking behind my back but like a fool I wouldn't want to believe it. I always thought they were joking when they'd say stuff in front of me, but I was wrong. I ended our friendship because of this.”
--Jillian, 13

“I've been through the same thing. I got close with a girl but it turned out she was faking it the whole time and she smashed our BFF charm bracelet right in front of me. OUCH! I just forgot it and thought to myself she wasn't worth it anyway.
--Jamie, 12

“Most of the time I really feel sad on the inside and I try not to cry on the outside. I'm already a freshman and I shouldn't cry.”
--Angela, 12

“I have this so-called 'friend' who is really mean. She makes me play with her every single day. The problem with that is that I hate the games she chooses. I never get to pick and I have other friends who want to play with me. One day I told her that I didn't want to play with her and she got furious and refused to talk to me for 5 days. On top of that, she said a whole lot of crud about me behind my back. I also heard her singing a song, but she had changed the words so she was singing about how much she hated me. She ACTUALLY TOLD ME RIGHT TO MY FACE THAT I DO NOT MATTER!! If she is going to hate me because she doesn't own me, then she's not a true friend AT ALL!!!!!!!”
--Sierra, 9

“When I'm being stupid and sulking, my friends try to get me to cheer up for a while, then they just let me sulk. This is the wisest thing to do. I need dumber friends. ;^)”
--Samantha, 12

“I have had plenty of friends put me down. There was one time when I wanted to cry but I was strong about it. We became tight again and now we are at it again. It started yesterday. Bye!!!”
--Tasmine, 11

“A few years ago, I was hanging out with some kids that liked making fun of each other and it was all they ever did! Most of the time, it was fun, but every so often, they'd touch a nerve and I'd feel really hurt. I started to get angry so I drifted to a new group and am now very pleased!”
--Aebi ^_^, 13

“My friend didn’t want to be my friend anymore after I got mad at her because I told her she was bullying me in front of other girls.”
--Stacy, 11

“My bf was a BIG FLIRT with my best friend and he said that I did not like her at all. So my friend and I told him that we hated each other, just to see who he would go and talk to first. It was my best friend, so now I am not with him anymore and neither is my friend.”
--Rachel, 12

“My friend bosses me around and gets mad all the time for no reason.”
--Debbie, 11

“Anyone who does anything because they know it'll hurt your feelings is not your friend. I would not be friends with someone like that.”
--Samantha, 12

"My bff had to get stitches and then she said that I kicked her in them when I totally didn't. Now we are not friends over that stupid little mistake!!"
--Sam, 11

"My friends sometimes talk about people who are 'show offs' and 'nerds.' They end up putting me down because they insult my friends. Sometimes I go along with them, but then I end up having fun with them like on a project or something and I feel so guilty. Sometimes they put me down by putting others down. It's complicated, I know."
--Raenee, 13

“My friends last year said some really mean stuff about me behind my back and I found out about it. I got new friends because I figured that anyone that would say stuff like that wasn't really my friend. It hurt a lot.”
--Renee

“My friend did in front of me and I was mad at her.”
--Ashley

“In 6th Grade, my friends put me down from December 2000 until May 2001. I felt so mad that I wanted to fight them, but at the same time, I feel sad because they were supposed to be my friends. I mean my friends Natalie, Kristine and Ashley used me and I ditched them back. Now I'm in the 9th Grade and I bet they still do that to me.”
--Dezyree

“A friend of mine is a brat. She thinks she’s the queen of the world. One day she just stopped talking to me. She wouldn’t even tell me what was the matter. Another of my friends told me she was mad because I met someone who had the same interests and tastes that I do. She refused to speak to me because I spent time with Katie instead of her. She never really talked to me before unless she needed help with schoolwork. I don’t know if she's my true friend or just using me. I’ve known her since we were in 1st grade. When she became a cheerleader, things became worse. She doesn't hang out with me anyway. She hangs out with her preppy cheerleader friends. She wouldn't talk to me near her cheerleader friends. I play sports and dress different than everybody else and she doesn't like that. She tells people stories about me that I told her long ago and told her NEVER to tell anyone. Once I asked her, ‘Are you doing anything this weekend??’ and she said, ‘Is your pool open?’ I don’t know whether to never speak to her again and cross her off the b-day party list for good, or put up with it and let her come over every day.”
--Chelsy, 12

“My friend said that I said something really mean about her but I didn't and she tried to take my friends away. She nearly did but now we seem to be getting along. Does she want to be my friend or not?”
--Janine, 12

“No, my friend has never ever put me down. She is the best friend any girl could have, and I'm lucky that I’m that girl. We always like the same things, we even like the same ppl. You know what I mean, right? Well, you must be wondering who this beautiful twinkle of a star in the sky is. Her name’s Ayesha and I luv her and I hope we will be best friends forever.”
--Sunya, 12

“Yeah totally! I told her to leave me alone and get a life and we haven't talked for a year.”
--Kat, 13

“One of my friends does that to me all the time. She tells me that I’m too girly because I do ballet. I think of my dance as being a sport instead of some ‘rich preppy girly thing’ which is how she sees it. It makes me feel like she really doesn't deserve to be my friend. I need more respect than that!!!! We all do!”
--Rubea, 12

“My former best friend called me a ‘try hard’ and a loser right to my face!!! It made me feel so bad that I haven't talked to her since. What should I do?”
--Danielle, 12

“My BFF Morgan does sometimes. We got into a major catfight in the back of the bus. She started ditching me and started hanging out with our other BFF’s Carole Ann, Savanna and Amanda (my sis) and wouldn't let me hang with them. I moved my seat because I was so mad.”
--Jessica, 11

“It made me feel very used. Because I knew I would never do anything to hurt my best friend.”
--Amanda, 13

“If they do that, then they don't deserve you as a friend!!!”
--Brittany, 12

“My friends do both. One time they even made me cry and go to guidance counselor! I told my mom and they got yelled at so much.”
--Linett, 9

“It totally killed me. We are still friends but it's a lot different now.”
--Anez, 12

“Sometimes my 'friends’ talk about me behind my back and it really hurts me. If someone is talking about you behind your back and you consider them your friend, then you really should consider your friendships with those people. You should really think of why that person might've done that to you. That still doesn't give that person the right to backstab or talk about you behind your back or diss you to your face. I just hope all the negative vibes will go away forever. Peace out!”
--Tyler, 11

“It made me feel real sad and embarrassed.”
--Charlene, 12

“My best friend got earrings. We've been friends since she was born and I was 3 days old. I'm against it but she doesn't know. It's dumb to me to have holes in your ears and hang rocks! My mom thinks I'm afraid!?! Yeah, right!”
--Aly, 9


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