Are you sick of the word "cyberbullying"? We hope you are, because we hope you're hearing it a lot. We hope you're learning about it and talking about it and thinking about it. Because it's not simple, and it's not going away any time soon. Here at IML we're always trying to figure out what can be considered cyberbullying on our You Said It pages, so we were glad to have the chance to speak with Ryan Moreau, an expert in cyberbullying from KiwiCommons.com, a website that offers advice and information about Internet safety for young people. He has some great advice to help all of us better understand cyberbullying and protect ourselves -- and others -- against it.  

IML: What counts as cyberbullying these days? Sometimes the line is a little blurry!

Ryan: Cyberbullying comes in many forms but typically includes harassing, hateful, or threatening messages, posts or material through the use of digital media.  So what does this really mean? It means that a computer, mobile phone, digital camera, or any other Internet enabled device can become an avenue for cyberbullying if they're being used to potentially harm or make someone else even uncomfortable.

IML: If you think you're being cyberbullied but aren't sure, are there questions you can ask yourself to help figure out exactly what's going on? For instance, if someone is responding to you on a message board and they've hurt your feelings, what's the difference between them simply expressing a conflicting opinion or actually bullying and being cruel?

Ryan: The most important things you can ask yourself are: (1) is the behavior directed at me or another individual specifically, and (2) is it repetitive or a onetime occurrence? These two questions can also help us better define what counts as cyberbullying. You can also think about the question, is this person just generally cruel to everybody in the way they act online, or are they specifically acting this way towards me? Sometimes people act differently on the Internet because they feel it gives them the cover of anonymity. If this is how they act to everyone, they may be simply expressing themselves in a bad way; but if it is only towards you, then you may be being cyberbullied.

The other key thing to consider is whether or not the behavior or messages are being repeated. One mean message could just be a misunderstanding or misinterpretation, or even unintentional. But if you find that they keep doing it over and over, it's likely an attempt to be a bully or make you feel bad on purpose.

IML: How can a tween avoid being cyberbullied in the first place?

Ryan: It's extremely difficult to avoid being cyberbullied because you really can't control what other people on the Internet choose to do.  One of the best things anyone can do is to be kind and courteous to the people they interact with on the Internet. Young people should practice positive digital citizenship in all of their online activities. Treat everything you do as if you were face to face not only with those people but also their close friends and family. Consider questions like, "Would I want my Grandma to see me saying these things?" Avoiding bullying is also a matter of not escalating situations to the level that they are cyberbullying.  If we see or receive a cruel message or something that hurts our feelings, we shouldn't reply with a nasty response, since this could cause things to get much worse.

IML: If you find yourself a target of cyberbullying, what are your options for help? What can you do if you don't want to involve an adult?

Ryan: The best thing to do if you find you're the target of cyberbullying is to tell an adult; but even if you don't want to talk to an adult, there are some things we can do to help stop the problem.  First, we should inform the bully that we feel they are bullying us and would like them to stop -- this should be done simply and nicely.  All conversations, messages, or images should be recorded along with dates, times, and links to the websites so that we can prove there is a problem.

No matter how much we may want to be mean back to the bully, it's important that we don't become a bully ourselves.  Instead, let the websites, message boards, or chat services know you think you're being bullied and provide a sample of what you recorded, and if you think the issue is serious you can report it anonymously to an organization like CrimeStoppers.

IML: Can you be cyberbullying without really intending to or being aware of it? Why does this happen so easily?

Ryan: It's actually very common to engage in cyberbullying without intending to or being aware that we are being a bully; in fact, most cyberbullying happens by accident.  This happens so easily because people don't consider how others may interpret what they say or do online.  When we don't consider that the people who see what we post on the Internet can't see our face or hear the tone of our voice, we forget that those things help people tell when we are joking.

We need to be very careful about everything we do on the Internet, especially what we say to and share with other people.  We should always think twice and consider if that's something we would want said to us -- if not, we should take the time to rethink and reword our posts.

IML: That is great advice! Thank you so much for sharing these words of wisdom with us -- hopefully they'll help a lot of young people out there.

For more of IML's advice and information, check out our section on Online Bullying.