Last week we looked at how having friends of the opposite sex can be a terrific thing. So what's the problem? Here are some of the obstacles you and your opposite-sex friend might find yourself up against:
The parent trap. Many parents just don't "get" the idea that boys and girls can be friends with each other. Sometimes when kids reach a certain age, parents assume all girls are boy-crazy and vice versa. Suspicious parents might not believe you when you insist, "We're only friends!" This misinterpreting of your relationship can get to be pretty annoying.
Clueless friends. Many same-sex friends aren't any better than parents. That is, if you're spending lots of time with a friend of the opposite sex, your friends and other kids at school are bound to start thinking that something's up. While this doesn't change your relationship with your friend, it can make it a little uncomfortable for you both, especially if your peers decide to tease you and make your life miserable.
Mixed signals. One of the most challenging aspects about having a friend of the opposite sex is that things can get confusing really quickly. You might find yourself analyzing everything your friend does a little differently than you would with your same-sex friends, as in:
Unexpected crushes. Ah...the biggest obstacle of them all. Even if you've been friends with your opposite sex friend since the day you both ran around naked in the backyard as toddlers, there's always the chance the one day, something in one of you will "click." You might suddenly look at your best opposite-sex friend and realize that he's the boy of your dreams. Or maybe your bud's annoying giggle one day seems like the cutest sound you've ever heard. In a split second, your friendship can turn into a major crush. The history you have together can make these types of crushes even more mixed-up than the regular kind.
So, where does all that leave us? Well...uh...right back where we started, it seems. Opposite sex friendships are common and doable. There are some great bonuses to having friends of the opposite sex in your inner circle. Even when you're facing some tough challenges, don't give up hope. Follow these ground rules, and you'll have a better shot at making it succeed. Hey, all friendships are work, right? Opposite sex friendships are no exception.
The parent trap. Many parents just don't "get" the idea that boys and girls can be friends with each other. Sometimes when kids reach a certain age, parents assume all girls are boy-crazy and vice versa. Suspicious parents might not believe you when you insist, "We're only friends!" This misinterpreting of your relationship can get to be pretty annoying.
Clueless friends. Many same-sex friends aren't any better than parents. That is, if you're spending lots of time with a friend of the opposite sex, your friends and other kids at school are bound to start thinking that something's up. While this doesn't change your relationship with your friend, it can make it a little uncomfortable for you both, especially if your peers decide to tease you and make your life miserable.
Mixed signals. One of the most challenging aspects about having a friend of the opposite sex is that things can get confusing really quickly. You might find yourself analyzing everything your friend does a little differently than you would with your same-sex friends, as in:
- He's acting more jokey and chummy lately. Is he flirting, or just trying to become better friends?
- If she calls you more than usual, does that mean she "likes" you?
- If he asks you to dance at a social event, has the friendship turned into more?
- Are same sex friends allowed to touch each other -- hugging, arms around the shoulder, cheek-kissing -- the way same sex friends do?
Unexpected crushes. Ah...the biggest obstacle of them all. Even if you've been friends with your opposite sex friend since the day you both ran around naked in the backyard as toddlers, there's always the chance the one day, something in one of you will "click." You might suddenly look at your best opposite-sex friend and realize that he's the boy of your dreams. Or maybe your bud's annoying giggle one day seems like the cutest sound you've ever heard. In a split second, your friendship can turn into a major crush. The history you have together can make these types of crushes even more mixed-up than the regular kind. So, where does all that leave us? Well...uh...right back where we started, it seems. Opposite sex friendships are common and doable. There are some great bonuses to having friends of the opposite sex in your inner circle. Even when you're facing some tough challenges, don't give up hope. Follow these ground rules, and you'll have a better shot at making it succeed. Hey, all friendships are work, right? Opposite sex friendships are no exception.
- Don't make decisions about your friendship based on what other people say, do or think about it.
- Treat your opposite sex friend with the same respect you would your other friends.
- Appreciate your relationship for the things that make it different from your same sex friendships.
- Be honest with your friend if your feelings towards him or her evolve from pure friendship to a crush.
- If things start to get confusing, remember what qualities you enjoy in your friend (loyalty, trust, honesty) and focus on those.
