This week we'd like to talk about a topic we see often on the You Said It pages: Opposite Sex Friendships. All you have to do is take a look at the posts in Opposite Sex Friends to know how they can be great...but complicated. Do you ever ask yourself, like we do, can boys and girls really, truly be friends with each other?
First, let's look at what friendship is. We define it this way: Friends are people who make us feel good about ourselves, people we can really be ourselves around, and people who will tell us if we have a big hunk of spinach in our teeth.
Seems simple enough, right? And there's nothing in there that says friends have to be the same gender as we are. It really is up to you and your friend to define the relationship. But it's not always that easy, as you probably know. Chances are, you've had a friendship with someone of the opposite sex that wasn't so black and white. Why is that? Here is probably the biggest reason why opposite sex friendships can be more challenging than same-sex friendships:
One of you might develop a CRUSH on the other!
Yowza! This doesn't have to happen, of course. But it's possible that at some point one of you will suddenly realize that this friend, who may know your secrets and dreams, seen your best and worst, is someone you want to be with in a romantic way. After all, you're already close on so many other levels. Why not just become boyfriend / girlfriend?
If this happens, there are a several possible outcomes:
Still confused? Don't worry, we all are. People have been pondering the question of opposite sex friendships for years, and that's because there are no easy answers. Even though it might seem like opposite sex friendships are more complicated than others, they're also worth fighting for. If you've got a close friend of the opposite sex, you know that there are some awesome benefits to hanging out with people from "the other side," such as:
Gaining insight. Having a friend of the opposite sex takes some of the guesswork out of day-to-day situations that come up. Not sure how boys really feel about girls who wear makeup? Ask your "boy" friend. Curious about whether girls are more attracted to guys who are buff and tough, or smart and funny? Get the real scoop from your "girl" friend. Having a friend of the opposite sex to fill you in on the in's and out's of being who they are can save you lots of frustration and confusion.
Getting advice from a different perspective. No matter what you're going through -- a tough situation at home, a breakup with a crush at school, being the victim of vicious gossip -- sometimes it can be refreshing to get advice from someone who sees the world differently than you do. Often times, friends of the opposite sex can shed a little light on a situation and give you another way to handle what's going on.
Enjoying different experiences. Hanging out with same-sex friends can be great; you can bond over movie star crushes or shooting hoops at the park. But these friendships can also have their own set of baggage: jealousies, petty competitions, and so on. Chances are, when you and your opposite sex friend hang out, it's much different than your other relationships. Breaking out of that routine can be a breath of fresh air. In fact, sometimes opposite-sex friendships can be less work than same-sex ones because the expectations are different. You might even find you can be yourself in a way you can't be with your usual group.
Next time, we'll look at some of the obstacles of opposite sex friendships and how to overcome them!
First, let's look at what friendship is. We define it this way: Friends are people who make us feel good about ourselves, people we can really be ourselves around, and people who will tell us if we have a big hunk of spinach in our teeth.Seems simple enough, right? And there's nothing in there that says friends have to be the same gender as we are. It really is up to you and your friend to define the relationship. But it's not always that easy, as you probably know. Chances are, you've had a friendship with someone of the opposite sex that wasn't so black and white. Why is that? Here is probably the biggest reason why opposite sex friendships can be more challenging than same-sex friendships:
One of you might develop a CRUSH on the other!
Yowza! This doesn't have to happen, of course. But it's possible that at some point one of you will suddenly realize that this friend, who may know your secrets and dreams, seen your best and worst, is someone you want to be with in a romantic way. After all, you're already close on so many other levels. Why not just become boyfriend / girlfriend?
If this happens, there are a several possible outcomes:
- Your opposite sex friend crushes on you, but you don't feel the same. The dynamic in your relationship is changed, and you'll forever wonder if your friend still has a crush on you. Everything is totally ruined.
- You crush on your opposite sex friend, but he or she doesn't feel the same. Same as above. Everything is totally ruined.
- You both crush on each other at the same time! Yahoo! But after you become boyfriend and girlfriend, it doesn't really work out, and you break up. You can't get the friendship back now. Everything is totally ruined.
- One of you crushes on the other, or you both crush on each other. Maybe it will always be a little awkward, maybe you'll go out with each other for a week or a month or a year or more. But whatever happens, you are strong enough friends to work things out. You fight to save the friendship and it survives. Everything is totally cool.
Still confused? Don't worry, we all are. People have been pondering the question of opposite sex friendships for years, and that's because there are no easy answers. Even though it might seem like opposite sex friendships are more complicated than others, they're also worth fighting for. If you've got a close friend of the opposite sex, you know that there are some awesome benefits to hanging out with people from "the other side," such as:
Gaining insight. Having a friend of the opposite sex takes some of the guesswork out of day-to-day situations that come up. Not sure how boys really feel about girls who wear makeup? Ask your "boy" friend. Curious about whether girls are more attracted to guys who are buff and tough, or smart and funny? Get the real scoop from your "girl" friend. Having a friend of the opposite sex to fill you in on the in's and out's of being who they are can save you lots of frustration and confusion.
Getting advice from a different perspective. No matter what you're going through -- a tough situation at home, a breakup with a crush at school, being the victim of vicious gossip -- sometimes it can be refreshing to get advice from someone who sees the world differently than you do. Often times, friends of the opposite sex can shed a little light on a situation and give you another way to handle what's going on.
Enjoying different experiences. Hanging out with same-sex friends can be great; you can bond over movie star crushes or shooting hoops at the park. But these friendships can also have their own set of baggage: jealousies, petty competitions, and so on. Chances are, when you and your opposite sex friend hang out, it's much different than your other relationships. Breaking out of that routine can be a breath of fresh air. In fact, sometimes opposite-sex friendships can be less work than same-sex ones because the expectations are different. You might even find you can be yourself in a way you can't be with your usual group.
Next time, we'll look at some of the obstacles of opposite sex friendships and how to overcome them!
