Dear IML,
I used to make up really fun games with my sister when we were little. Now I'm in sixth grade and she's in first. She always whines when I don't want to play her kind of games. I feel like our relationship is tearing apart. For example, when I talk to my friends on the phone she asks me dumb questions and yells. When they come over, she is rude to them and embarrasses me! It is getting worse. HELP!
--Christian, 11

Hey Christian!
Ok, it sounds like you are having a sibling issue. My little sister does the same things yours does: she yells when I'm on the phone, embarrassing me. Yup, it's all part of life. Me and my sister had the same bond you and your sister had -- making up fun games, and having a great time together. One thing I do when I have friends over is set aside a half an hour or so just for my sister to play with us. We usually play games we can all do together, like house, or a board game. As far as the phone goes, I usually go to a place where is quiet and private, like my room, or backyard. If your sister is bugging you, try telling an adult if one is home, and hopefully he or she could distract her while you're chit-chatting. Good luck!!
--Emily, IML Mentor

Dear Christian,
There are three good solutions to your problem, so you can choose whichever you like. The first is to spend more time with your sister. It sounds to me like she's feeling kind of abandoned by you, so even spending an hour a day just playing with her might cause her to be less embarrassing around your friends. The second, which you can use along with the first, is to sit down with her and tell her how embarrassing you in front of your friends makes you feel. She's at least six by now, so she should understand and hopefully not do it as often. Finally, as a last resort, you can always tell your parents what's going on -- though you should do it calmly, and not try to sound like you're tattling on her. I would only recommend this as a last resort, since you could also cause her to become more angry with you for "tattling." Good luck, and I hope I helped!
--Sarah, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
I have my own room and when I'm in there I like to be left alone unless it is totally important. Dad always opens my door and lets my sisters Madison, 1, and Natalie, 7, in the room! And then I have to pack up everything that I'm doing, which usually involves felt-pens and stuff, and that really stinks. What can I do to stop my Dad from doing this?
--Katie-Jade, 10

Hi Katie-Jade,
Oh wow, I feel your pain! I'm 17 and my sister is 5 so I know what happens when little kids invade your room! Here are some things that I did to ease the pain. First, I told my mom away from home, in the car or something so as to not hurt any little person's feelings, that I felt very invaded when others just barged in. I asked her to instill a "knock first" policy, and while it took a while to stick, if you keep KINDLY (I find that nagging produces poor results) reminding your family about it, eventually it becomes second nature. I also find that if you take a few moments each day to hang out with your little siblings in their room or in the family room, they're less likely to come invade your space later in the day. The other thing I made clear was that if my sister were to come into my room and make a mess, she or my mom would have to be responsible for cleaning it up. After a few times of having to clean up her mess, my sister started to get sick of coming in my room. If they do invade, don't start yelling because for some little kids that will just make them want to stay longer; instead, usher them out calmly and say something like, "Let's go play with this in the living room." Yes, it's annoying to have to stop what you're doing, but if you distract them it's usually worth it, then you can go back into your room while they play and have some peace. Stay cool...I know it's tough but it's so much less stressful to approach the situation calmly! GOOD LUCK!
--Stormie, IML Mentor

Dear Katie-Jade,
It sounds like you are really frustrated with your dad. That is totally understandable and everyone feels that way sometimes. Being an only child, I don't know exactly how you are feeling, but I do know what it is like to have parents barging into your room when they are not wanted. The best way to cure your problem is to just talk to your dad. A lot of times, parents do not realize what they are doing is upsetting their kids so the problem never really goes away. Sit down with your dad and explain how and why what he is doing is upsetting you. Make sure you stay calm and collected when you talk to him, that way he will take you more seriously and not think you're just complaining about some kid thing. Also, maybe the reason behind your dad letting in your sisters all the time is because he wants you to be with them and for the three of you to form a closer relationship. Maybe you could offer to set a side a special time every day that you could be with them and some time that you want to be left alone. Hope everything goes well for you!
--Joy, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
Lately it seems like my younger sister is "in my shadow," and I think it's upsetting her and affecting our relationship as siblings. People always tell me I'm the "perfect child" -- intelligent, talented, and whatever else -- and I have a lot of friends. Sometimes she gets really upset, and my parents tell me that she has low self-esteem sometimes because she feels she can't live up to my image. Although she's very talented in many areas, it seems like people at school (like teachers) and even relatives don't acknowledge her enough because I'm in the way. She sometimes gets upset to the point of crying and acting out, saying things she can do better than me, and I feel terrible about this -- she's my sister and I want her to love herself, too! I can't change who I am, but I feel so guilty for always being considered so perfect, because I'm definitely not. I feel like I'm the source of all of this...Please help!
--Amelia, 13

Dear Amelia,
It sounds like you're really concerned about your sister. The fact that you're so worried about her shows how much you care for her. I know that you said that she has many talents, but a lot of times people are blind to their good points and only focus on where they don't measure up to others, especially if the people around them are very talented and special like yourself. I can't vouch for your sister, but from what you say it sounds like your sister is really frustrated with herself. She might be jealous of you and have a self-esteem issue because of that. If she does have a self-esteem issue, then that would explain why she might be having such extreme emotions like lashing out and crying. The best way you can help your sister is by just reminding her of all her good points and how much you love her. Also, you might want to consider talking to your parents about the situation and tell them how you're worried about your sister and how maybe they could spend some extra time with her. Maybe your whole family could go out and do something that she's really good at and give her a little self-esteem boost. Keep trying to communicate with your sister. I hope everything works out for you and your sister.
--Joy, IML Mentor

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