I know how you feel. My very good friend feels that her mother is very overprotective. She wants her parents to get off her case and let her be independent. Well, I guess they are both right. Maybe you could tell her that instead of going to the mall by herself, if she went with a group of friends all together that then that would be okay. Also, about the book, is it by any chance the Twilight series? At first, my mom wasn't sure it was appropriate, so she read it first. After deeming me old enough to read it, she let me read the book, saying that I would understand the situations if I used a mature attitude. Maybe you could be a bit less "overprotective", but don't go to extremes! A careful mom is good to have around.
--Rebecca, 12 You might be overprotective. I know my mom is and it really bugs me. Like when she tells me stuff is inappropriate, that’s what gets me most. I don't get why something has to be "appropriate" or not. Kids are smart. We know what's okay and what's not. I don't believe that a kid is going to think something is okay if they see it on TV or read it in a book. So if you think this book is inappropriate, then read it first (if you haven't already) and point out the stuff that isn't appropriate and tell her why. Make it a quick and short conversation to get it over with. Then let her enjoy the book. Also, if her friends are walking to the mall by themselves, maybe consider letting her go as long as she has a phone and keeps it on, and goes with a group of other friends who also have phones. I know it's probably hard to let your kids grow up. But I honestly believe that the more you let your daughter do, the more open and truthful a relationship you will have with her and she won't sneak around your back. Which will keep things safe. Hope this helps.
--Madi, 12
Okay yes, I am young, but please listen to this advice. Us kids go through this whole independence thing where we are embarrassed to even be seen by our parents and we hate it when parents try to take control of our lives. It is part of puberty and all teens experience it. The best thing you can do is watch over her but let her be as independent as possible as long as it’s safe. Walking to the mall all depends on how far it is, if it is safe, and if she is going alone without any friends. You should offer to drive her and tell her, if you do then she will get there sooner. If she says she wants to walk with her friends, just let her. I know it is very hard to just let your child do that but it’s part of letting them grow up and make their own mistakes and learning from them. If you never let them go, then they will grow up and make a stupid decision and not know what to do. Best to let her do something stupid now then later when it could be something big. This whole thing with the book sounds like she just wants to fit in with everyone. That’s OKAY. She will eventually find out things that might not be appropriate. It would be better if she read it and came to you rather then learn it wrong later. Trust me, give her some independence but still watch over her.
--Jon, 13
Okay, I am not allowed to walk to the mailbox by myself unless my mom is standing at the door watching me. I don't think that middle schoolers need to be walking anywhere by themselves anyway. I am a middle schooler myself and I don't like to walk anywhere by myself. I think you are completely justified in telling your daughter that she can't walk to the mall with her friends alone. I understand that you are just trying to protect her. She probably doesn't see that but one day she'll thank you. For now, you need to lay down the law and tell her who's boss. You don't have to be bossy about it, but maybe give her an alternative. Like allow her to walk around the neighborhood with a large group of friends while you are sitting on the porch. For the inappropriate book, once again I think you are justified. My mom won't let me read some books. Just tell her it's too graphic or violent or whatever the reason is. Please try to connect with your daughter and be her friend, but also tell her that she needs to understand where you are coming from. Hope this helped!
--Kendra, 13
I feel the same way about my mom. Trust me, I know girls can be stubborn. Talk to her privately. Tell her that you are doing this for her safety. If she asks for reasons, tell her that every mom is different. Ask her to name all the people in her ring of friends. Then ask her to name the ones who can walk by themselves, etc. If this doesn't work and she still gets mad, it's up to you. For the walking alone, take walks around the area she wants to by herself. Do this frequently. If you feel she knows the route well, walk halfway together and let her complete the route. Do this more and more, each time stopping closer to the house you live in. Eventually -- before she knows it -- she'll be walking by herself. I'm wishing you good luck!! Lots of it... :)
--Jennie
It is perfectly OK to worry about your daughter. You are the parent and have the final say. If she wants more independence, let her have it slowly. Give her a set time to walk around the neighborhood with a friend and make sure she knows the rules, like not to go into anyone's house. Start small (10 minutes) and slowly work up. When she wants to go to the mall, go and make sure she meets up with her friends. Make sure you set rules like where she can and can not go, where to meet up afterwards, and who to go to if she needs help! Check in periodically to make sure she is ok and doing what she is supposed to be doing.
--Em, 12
I agree with you about walking to the mall alone, but don’t understand why you will not let her walk around the neighborhood alone. But then again, I do understand it. So a compromise may be that if your daughter has an older sibling who could maybe take her to the mall and walk around the neighborhood with her so that she will not feel so overprotected and she will not be unsupervised. And about the book, I think the two of you should read it together if she really wants to read it that bad. Then after every chapter that has an inappropriate part, the two of you could discuss why you think it is inappropriate and why she may think that it is not inappropriate. I hope that this helps you and your daughter's relationship get stronger and hopefully get to stop thinking that you are overprotective.
--Bebe, 13
