Dear IML,
I have a really nice BF, but I don't like him anymore. I totally still want to be friends, but I think he still really likes me. How do I let him down easily without losing our friendship?
--Alyssa, 13

Dear Alyssa,
This is a tough situation but I think that it helps out a lot that you two are really good friends and you want to maintain that friendship. Even though it seems to be the hardest way to let someone go, the best way is to be honest and sincerely tell him how you feel. Make sure to look into his eyes when you talk with him to show how sincere you are and how much you still care for him and want to be friends but you just don't think that it is going to work out. Treat him how you would like to be treated if you were losing a boyfriend and make sure to take into account how he is going to feel. His emotions are going to switch very quickly and he will not know what to say so it is very important to take it slow and easy. Let him know how you feel and make sure he completely understands why you want to break up with him. There is no easy way to end a breakup, yet it becomes easier when you completely tell him how you feel and don't hide anything. Be honest and tell him how you really don't want to lose a friend and want to continue your friendship. Good luck and stay sincere!
--Joel, IML Mentor

Hey Alyssa!
My roommate recently broke up with her boyfriend because she didn't like him romantically anymore. It was hard for him, but they're still friends. How did she do it? There's no way to let him down easily. No matter how you word it, you're still telling him that you only want to be friends and don't like him in any other way. That's painful information to hear. You can soften the delivery by letting him know all the characteristics he has that you love in him, and letting him know that you still want to hang out. My roommate and her ex-boyfriend used to go on adventures in the town and found neat and interesting things to do. When they broke up, she told him that she still really wanted to keep doing that. By letting him know specific things you want to continue doing, he'll feel better. It will be awkward around him for a while as he gets used to your new status, and you have to remember that it might be too hard for him to remain friends with you. However, it's important that you tell the truth so you're happy with your relationship. Good luck, and I hope everything turns out okay.
--Lauren, IML Mentor

Dear Alyssa,
I don't think there's a way you can dump him without hurting his feelings. You can try saying "I really like you, but I don't really think I'm ready for a relationship. Can we just be friends for a while?" You could suggest that both of you become "special friends" and not "just friends." Special friends are really really close friends who have a special bond, and since you've already been dating, you do have a special bond with him. So you can try suggesting that to him.
--Roxanne, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
Is it normal for a person my age to be thinking about (obsessed) with romance? It's all I can think about! I've been writing a lot of poems and stories about love. I'm kinda embarrassed about it. Every night I listen to my favorite love songs while I daydream about meeting somebody somewhere. I have dreams all the time about being with the person I love. Is this normal? Help!
--Shelby, 12

Hey Shelby!
I’m happy that you’re thinking about a future love. Unfortunately, we girls tend to focus on all the lovey-dovey aspects of romantic relationships rather than the moral aspects, like trust, responsibility, accountability, loyalty, and faith. Sometimes we create a bogus image of what love would be like and end up being selfish in our first romantic relationships. After she got her heart broken by her first boyfriend, my cousin once suggested that I make a list of everything I want in my future husband, focusing on his personality and charm, not his appearance. She said that I should tuck my list into my diary and refer to it whenever I feel in a romantic mood. Making the list helps to remind us girls what really matters in our relationships, this way we aren’t just all caught up in the romance. It is perfectly normal, and even a good thing, to think about love and your future. But you know how when you are trying to find something and you look so hard, you cannot find it? Well, love works the same way. If you try too hard you just might miss it. Be wary of thinking too much about it. Good luck!
--Vanessa, IML Mentor

Dear Shelby,
This is totally normal! I definitely was the same way when I was 12. I think most girls are. What I learned is this: it's okay to be romantic, as long you stay in the real world. If you are kidding yourself into believing that you can have a deep, rewarding relationship at age 12, you will probably be disappointed. Take your time, and just think: if you still have this kind of passion when you are older, you might have guys lined up at your door! So although it is normal to be "obsessed" with love (after all, movies, books, and TV are all trying to convince you that true love is everywhere), it's not fun. Try to focus on things you like to do. Get to know and love yourself before you love someone else too much.
--Samantha, IML Mentor

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