Advice Questions about Kissing & Dating:
- "I really want to kiss my girlfriend, but she say's she doesn't want to. She explained that she wanted to wait till she was older. Now I kind of feel mad at her. My other friend told me to dump her, but I still really like her. What should I do?"
- "At camp I was kissed by my boyfriend. How do I tell my mom? We are really close and I don't want to keep a secret."
- "I have a really nice BF, but I don't like him anymore. I totally still want to be friends, but I think he still really likes me. How do I let him down easily without losing our friendship?"
- "Is it normal for a person my age to be thinking about (obsessed) with romance? It's all I can think about! I've been writing a lot of poems and stories about love. I'm kinda embarrassed about it. Every night I listen to my favorite love songs while I daydream
- "Now that I have a girlfriend, I hang out with her friends and my best guy friend doesn't like that. Do I go with my old friend or with my GF’s friends? Who do I choose?"
- "There’s a girl I like, but I accused her of hugging another boy when she really didn't. What do I do to tell her I'm sorry?"
- "Me and this boy went out for a year. Last year I still liked him, but he seemed to not return my feelings. I wrote him a letter telling him how I felt and now he won't talk to or look at me. Was it wrong of me to write that letter? Should I apologize?"
- "Every night I dream about the perfect kiss. There are so many details. Will it ever happen?"
- "Me and this one girl have been friends for the last few months, and we have been doing a lot of talking. I helped her hook up with her boyfriend, but as we talked more I began to like her more and more. Then, a few days ago, she said that she has feelings for me as well, since we have been talking so much. I think that she is going to break up with her boyfriend now and ask me out. Is this right? And if she does, will a relationship starting off like that get anywhere?"
- "I had a girlfriend at school. But at summer she moved…I still want to be friends. What should I do to still be friends?"
- Megan and Kimberly aren’t sure how to tell their boyfriends that they aren’t ready for kissing.
- "I've been dating my boyfriend for around 2 months, and I kissed him once. Now he's bragging to the entire school about it, and I'm SO embarrassed. What do I do?"
- "I have this really sweet girlfriend. Last week one of my friends, another girl, started flirting with me and she won't stop no matter what. When I told my girlfriend about it she got really depressed…"
- "I want to ask this boy out but I'm afraid he'll say no. I'm not sure, because we've danced together. What do I do?"
- "I'm fat and I want my bf to still go out with me. He doesn't care what I look like, but his friend says to break up with me. I think that I should stop eating but that won't help, because if I stop eating my friend will start worrying about me and tell my mom. What should I do?"
- "I told this boy that I liked him and he told me the same thing. His parents won't let him date and neither will mine. What do I do? Date or not date?"
- "My boyfriend and I have been going out for over 2 months now. I really like him, but all of my friends tell me that he's going out with other girls at the same time as me. He tells me he isn't. Who can I trust to tell me the truth?"
- "I cannot stop doing pranks and it is killing my social life with girls. How can I still pull pranks and not make the girls think I'm a geek?"
- "I get made fun of because I have never been kissed or gone out on a date. What should I do?"
At camp I was kissed by my boyfriend. How do I tell my mom? We are really close and I don't want to keep a secret.
I know how it feels to keep a secret from your mom. On our school camping trip in 7th grade, I was also kissed by my boyfriend. At first I was a little apprehensive about telling my mom, but I felt that I was old enough and she wouldn't be mad. Although this was true, I was still embarrassed, but I felt great at the same time. Just tell your mom! I am almost positive that when she was your age, your mom had a lot of secrets that she felt needed to be told. Just remember that your mom went through everything you are, and will!! Trust me -- in the end, it will pay off. Everything can just build up inside of you and really stress you out if you don't!!! Just go in with your head held high, and knowing that it will make everything better. Good luck!!
--Emily, IML Mentor
I think it is really great that you have a close relationship with you mom. Not everyone has such a special bond with a member of their family, let alone wants to tell them about their relationships with boys. Since your mom and yourself talk so much, try to look at the situation as just another talk between the two of you. She might even be excited and happy for you. And even if she isn't, it seems like not telling her is making you unhappy, so getting it off your chest is important. When you talk to her, tell her how important your relationship is to you and how you want to include her in everything that is going on in your life. Talking to her about how you feel about boys as you get older might be difficult at first but can really pay off in long run. I never had that type of bond with my mom and I have always wished I could talk to her about guys and get her advice. Having someone older and more experienced than yourself to talk to can be a very valuable comfort and it is so great that you have that kind of relationship with your mom.
--Joy, IML Mentor
How you tell your mom you had (what I think is probably) your first kiss depends on what makes you more comfortable. If you'd rather have a long discussion about it -- like about being in a relationship and how the kiss makes you feel -- you should just sit down with her, start out with the fact that you kissed your boyfriend at camp, and then move on to other topics. On the other hand, if you just want her to know about it, all you have to do is mention it casually in a conversation. Hope I helped!
--Sarah, IML Mentor
I have a really nice BF, but I don't like him anymore. I totally still want
to be friends, but I think he still really likes me. How do I let him down
easily without losing our friendship?
This is a tough situation but I think that it helps out a lot that you two
are really good friends and you want to maintain that friendship. Even
though it seems to be the hardest way to let someone go, the best way is to be honest and sincerely tell him how you feel. Make sure to look into his
eyes when you talk with him to show how sincere you are and how much you still care for him and want to be friends but you just don't think that it
is going to work out. Treat him how you would like to be treated if you
were losing a boyfriend and make sure to take into account how he is going to feel. His emotions are going to switch very quickly and he will not know what to say so it is very important to take it slow and easy. Let him know how you feel and make sure he completely understands why you want to break up with him. There is no easy way to end a breakup, yet it becomes easier when you completely tell him how you feel and don't hide anything. Be honest and tell him how you really don't want to lose a friend and want to continue your friendship. Good luck and stay sincere!
--Joel, IML Mentor
My roommate recently broke up with her boyfriend because she didn't like him romantically anymore. It was hard for him, but they're still friends. How did she do it? There's no way to let him down easily. No matter how you word it, you're still telling him that you only want to be friends and don't like him in any other way. That's painful information to hear. You can soften the delivery by letting him know all the characteristics he has that you love in him, and letting him know that you still want to hang out. My roommate and her ex-boyfriend used to go on adventures in the town and found neat and interesting things to do. When they broke up, she told him that she still really wanted to keep doing that. By letting him know specific things you want to continue doing, he'll feel better. It will be awkward around him for a while as he gets used to your new status, and you have to remember that it might be too hard for him to remain friends with you. However, it's important that you tell the truth so you're happy with your relationship. Good luck, and I hope everything turns out okay.
--Lauren, IML Mentor
I don't think there's a way you can dump him without hurting his feelings.
You can try saying "I really like you, but I don't really think I'm ready
for a relationship. Can we just be friends for a while?" You could suggest
that both of you become "special friends" and not "just friends." Special
friends are really really close friends who have a special bond, and since
you've already been dating, you do have a special bond with him. So you can try suggesting that to him.
--Roxanne, IML Mentor
Is it normal for a person my age to be thinking about (obsessed) with romance? It's all I can think about! I've been writing a lot of poems and stories about love. I'm kinda embarrassed about it. Every night I listen to my favorite love songs while I daydream about meeting somebody somewhere. I have dreams all the time about being with the person I love. Is this normal? Help!
I’m happy that you’re thinking about a future love. Unfortunately, we girls tend to focus on all the lovey-dovey aspects of romantic relationships rather than the moral aspects, like trust, responsibility, accountability, loyalty, and faith. Sometimes we create a bogus image of what love would be like and end up being selfish in our first romantic relationships. After she got her heart broken by her first boyfriend, my cousin once suggested that I make a list of everything I want in my future husband, focusing on his personality and charm, not his appearance. She said that I should tuck my list into my diary and refer to it whenever I feel in a romantic mood. Making the list helps to remind us girls what really matters in our relationships, this way we aren’t just all caught up in the romance. It is perfectly normal, and even a good thing, to think about love and your future. But you know how when you are trying to find something and you look so hard, you cannot find it? Well, love works the same way. If you try too hard you just might miss it. Be wary of thinking too much about it. Good luck!
--Vanessa, IML Mentor
This is totally normal! I definitely was the same way when I was 12. I think most girls are. What I learned is this: it's okay to be romantic, as long you stay in the real world. If you are kidding yourself into believing that you can have a deep, rewarding relationship at age 12, you will probably be disappointed. Take your time, and just think: if you still have this kind of passion when you are older, you might have guys lined up at your door! So although it is normal to be "obsessed" with love (after all, movies, books, and TV are all trying to convince you that true love is everywhere), it's not fun. Try to focus on things you like to do. Get to know and love yourself before you love someone else too much.
--Samantha, IML Mentor
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