Advice Questions about Kissing & Dating:
"At camp I was kissed by my boyfriend. How do I tell my mom? We are really close and I don't want to keep a secret."
- “I have a really nice BF, but I don't like him anymore. I totally still want to be friends, but I think he still really likes me. How do I let him down easily without losing our friendship?”
- “Is it normal for a person my age to be thinking about (obsessed) with romance? It's all I can think about! I've been writing a lot of poems and stories about love. I'm kinda embarrassed about it. Every night I listen to my favorite love songs while I daydream
- “Now that I have a girlfriend, I hang out with her friends and my best guy friend doesn't like that. Do I go with my old friend or with my GF’s friends? Who do I choose?”
- “There’s a girl I like, but I accused her of hugging another boy when she really didn't. What do I do to tell her I'm sorry?”
- “Me and this boy went out for a year. Last year I still liked him, but he seemed to not return my feelings. I wrote him a letter telling him how I felt and now he won't talk to or look at me. Was it wrong of me to write that letter? Should I apologize?”
- “Me and this one girl have been friends for the last few months, and we have been doing a lot of talking. I helped her hook up with her boyfriend, but as we talked more I began to like her more and more. Then, a few days ago, she said that she has feelings for me as well, since we have been talking so much. I think that she is going to break up with her boyfriend now and ask me out. Is this right? And if she does, will a relationship starting off like that get anywhere?”
- “I had a girlfriend at school. But at summer she moved…I still want to be friends. What should I do to still be friends?”
- Megan and Kimberly aren’t sure how to tell their boyfriends that they aren’t ready for kissing.
- "I've been dating my boyfriend for around 2 months, and I kissed him once. Now he's bragging to the entire school about it, and I'm SO embarrassed. What do I do?"
- "I have this really sweet girlfriend. Last week one of my friends, another girl, started flirting with me and she won't stop no matter what. When I told my girlfriend about it she got really depressed…"
- "I want to ask this boy out but I'm afraid he'll say no. I'm not sure, because we've danced together. What do I do?"
- "I'm fat and I want my bf to still go out with me. He doesn't care what I look like, but his friend says to break up with me. I think that I should stop eating but that won't help, because if I stop eating my friend will start worrying about me and tell my mom. What should I do?"
- "I told this boy that I liked him and he told me the same thing. His parents won't let him date and neither will mine. What do I do? Date or not date?"
- "My boyfriend and I have been going out for over 2 months now. I really like him, but all of my friends tell me that he's going out with other girls at the same time as me. He tells me he isn't. Who can I trust to tell me the truth?"
- "I cannot stop doing pranks and it is killing my social life with girls. How can I still pull pranks and not make the girls think I'm a geek?"
- "I get made fun of because I have never been kissed or gone out on a date. What should I do?"
Dear IML,
Me and this one girl have been friends for the last few months, and we have been doing a lot of talking. I helped her hook up with her boyfriend, but as we talked more I began to like her more and more. Then, a few days ago, she said that she has feelings for me as well, since we have been talking so much. I think that she is going to break up with her boyfriend now and ask me out. Is this right? And if she does, will a relationship starting off like that get anywhere?
--Zakery, 12
Hey Zakery,
Relationships can be really complicated, especially when you're just starting to get involved in them. It seems, though, that this girl really cares about you. I don't think that's a bad way to start off a relationship at all. In fact, that is a great way to start, by knowing that the other person cares. I think you should put as much as you can into the relationship and ask her to do the same. The fact that she had another boyfriend doesn't mean he was the guy for her. So, take a chance, and find out if this is the girl for you.
--Cyntianna, IML Mentor
Dear Zakery,
Here’s my story: in the eighth grade, I had my first longer-than-a-month boyfriend. I always noticed that he and my best friend were always arguing or "play" fighting. I couldn’t shake this feeling I had that something else was going on. The whole eighth grade went on a trip to Europe. I didn’t go because I couldn’t afford it. But my friend and boyfriend went. Long story short, they kissed on the plane ride back home! When they came back, he kept asking her out. He told her that he would break up with me if she would be his girlfriend! While he was still my boyfriend, he was making plans to dump me for her. Neither one said anything. Whenever we hung out, they would put on an act as if nothing was going on. After we graduated from Junior High, I went to a different High School than they did and I broke up with him. I found out a month later that the same day we broke up, he called her right up and they began going out! Ouch!
With all that said, this is the deal: you’re in a situation where someone is going to get hurt. Question is, is it going to be you, your friend, the girl, or some combination? You can’t change your feelings and she can’t change hers, but I think there is definitely a correct way to go about this. If you just want to go out with the girl and say, “Forget friends,” then let her break up with him. If your friendship means more to you than this girl, leave her alone. No more calling. No more getting to know each other. If you would like to salvage your friendship AND be with this girl, you have to come clean. Be honest and tell your friend the truth. Tell him how you feel. At the very least, he’ll respect you for not letting him look like a chump by sneaking around behind his back.
--Johanne, IML Mentor
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Dear IML,
I had a girlfriend at school. But at summer she moved. I tried to keep in touch and called her a couple of times. After a while, we didn't speak to each other, but not because I didn't like her anymore. Then we broke up. We don't even talk anymore. I still want to be friends. What should I do to still be friends?
--Oscar, 12
Dear Oscar,
I know how hard it is to keep a long-distance relationship; I have a lot of friends that don't live anywhere near me. To keep in touch with them and stay friends, I e-mail them a lot and they e-mail me. It's not exactly easy, but there isn’t a whole lot that you can do when you are in a situation like that. If you can, see her whenever you are in the area and make a point of staying in touch with her. Just keeping contact might be a helpful way to stay friends.
--Mikey, IML Mentor
Dear Oscar,
If you really want to be her friend, you should call her. If the two of you were really good friends before then, there is no reason why you can't be good friends now. But Oscar, remember, sometimes people change and have a change of heart, so if you call her once or twice and she seems like she doesn't want to be bothered, it may be time to leave her alone. Remember also that she has your number (I hope), and you might just have to be happy believing that if she wants to talk with you, she’ll call.
--Tiffany, IML Mentor
Dear Oscar,
I completely understand your situation. When I was thirteen, I had a girlfriend over the summer. She moved to New York at the end, so we couldn't see each other anymore. I think the best way to try and stay friends with her would be to call her, maybe once a week. Let her know that you still want to be friends. Or, if you feel uncomfortable talking to her over the phone, you can start e-mailing each other back and forth to stay in touch. If you have an instant messenger service, you can also talk to her through that. The key is keeping in touch with each other in any way. I hope everything works out for you.
--Jordan, IML Mentor
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Dear IML,
I have a boyfriend who wants to kiss me but I am not ready and I told him that, but he doesn't understand!! What should I do or say?
--Megan, 11
Dear IML,
My boyfriend wants to start kissing but I don't know how. I feel kinda pressured to and I'm not sure if I'm ready. What should I do?
--Kimberly, 13
Dear Megan and Kimberly,
Having a boyfriend at a young age can be very confusing. Your feelings kind of run wild and you don't know what’s okay and what’s not. The best advice I can give you is to go with your heart. If you feel it’s okay to kiss and you think you won't regret it later, then go for it. If you think you will regret it, then help your guy understand. If he doesn't, that probably means he doesn't respect you or isn't ready to be in a serious relationship in the first place. Maybe you two are just better off as friends. Even when you get older, boyfriends will try to pressure you into doing things you may not want to do. Just remember to stay confident and true to your feelings, and hopefully you won't make mistakes you will later regret.
--Cyntianna, IML Mentor
Dear Megan and Kimberly,
The first kiss is a very memorable thing. It's a special moment that you will never ever forget, and because of that, don't force yourself into doing it if you don't feel comfortable. You should make it clear to your boyfriend that you are not ready to kiss. Explain to him calmly that even though you're not kissing, it doesn't mean that you don't care for him. It's never too late to have your first kiss, so reserve it until you're mature enough that it won't be a scary experience. Kissing is something that you'll learn as you grow up, and there's no point in rushing to that.
--Joyce, IML Mentor
Dear Megan and Kimberly,
I’m very impressed with both of you that you've been able to say no to your boyfriends. No one should be forced into doing something they don't want to do. I'm sure it must be very hard to tell your boyfriends “no” when they want to kiss you. I think that if you don’t yet feel ready to kiss your boyfriends, then you definitely shouldn't! Tell them that you feel uncomfortable when they ask to kiss you, and that you will kiss when the time is ready for you. If he's a good and decent boyfriend, he will understand. If he still pressures you after you've had that talk, then my advice is move on and find someone who will respect your feelings! Good luck!
--Jenna, IML Mentor
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