Advice Questions about Kissing & Dating:
"At camp I was kissed by my boyfriend. How do I tell my mom? We are really close and I don't want to keep a secret."
- “I have a really nice BF, but I don't like him anymore. I totally still want to be friends, but I think he still really likes me. How do I let him down easily without losing our friendship?”
- “Is it normal for a person my age to be thinking about (obsessed) with romance? It's all I can think about! I've been writing a lot of poems and stories about love. I'm kinda embarrassed about it. Every night I listen to my favorite love songs while I daydream
- “Now that I have a girlfriend, I hang out with her friends and my best guy friend doesn't like that. Do I go with my old friend or with my GF’s friends? Who do I choose?”
- “There’s a girl I like, but I accused her of hugging another boy when she really didn't. What do I do to tell her I'm sorry?”
- “Me and this boy went out for a year. Last year I still liked him, but he seemed to not return my feelings. I wrote him a letter telling him how I felt and now he won't talk to or look at me. Was it wrong of me to write that letter? Should I apologize?”
- “Every night I dream about the perfect kiss. There are so many details. Will it ever happen?”
- “Me and this one girl have been friends for the last few months, and we have been doing a lot of talking. I helped her hook up with her boyfriend, but as we talked more I began to like her more and more. Then, a few days ago, she said that she has feelings for me as well, since we have been talking so much. I think that she is going to break up with her boyfriend now and ask me out. Is this right? And if she does, will a relationship starting off like that get anywhere?”
- “I had a girlfriend at school. But at summer she moved…I still want to be friends. What should I do to still be friends?”
- Megan and Kimberly aren’t sure how to tell their boyfriends that they aren’t ready for kissing.
- "I've been dating my boyfriend for around 2 months, and I kissed him once. Now he's bragging to the entire school about it, and I'm SO embarrassed. What do I do?"
- "I have this really sweet girlfriend. Last week one of my friends, another girl, started flirting with me and she won't stop no matter what. When I told my girlfriend about it she got really depressed…"
- "I want to ask this boy out but I'm afraid he'll say no. I'm not sure, because we've danced together. What do I do?"
- "I'm fat and I want my bf to still go out with me. He doesn't care what I look like, but his friend says to break up with me. I think that I should stop eating but that won't help, because if I stop eating my friend will start worrying about me and tell my mom. What should I do?"
- "I told this boy that I liked him and he told me the same thing. His parents won't let him date and neither will mine. What do I do? Date or not date?"
- "My boyfriend and I have been going out for over 2 months now. I really like him, but all of my friends tell me that he's going out with other girls at the same time as me. He tells me he isn't. Who can I trust to tell me the truth?"
- "I cannot stop doing pranks and it is killing my social life with girls. How can I still pull pranks and not make the girls think I'm a geek?"
- "I get made fun of because I have never been kissed or gone out on a date. What should I do?"
Dear IML,
I've been dating my boyfriend for around 2 months, and I kissed him once. Now he's bragging to the entire school about it, and I'm SO embarrassed. What do I do?
--From Jan, 11
Hi Jan,
Guys love to show off their girlfriends, but it's the girlfriends' job to let the boys know how it makes us feel. I understand why you're embarrassed, but all you need to do is talk to him honestly. Tell him that you really don't appreciate him going around telling everyone what the two of you do. If he can't understand that and respect that, you may want to reconsider your relationship to him, because no girl should have to feel uncomfortable with her own boyfriend.
--Lindsey, IML Mentor
Dear Jan,
You have to remember that guys are sooooo complicated. First of all, you have to sit this guy of yours down and tell him it's never cool to kiss and tell, and ask him to keep your business between the two of you. You also have to remember that he's probably only bragging because he's proud and he wants everyone to congratulate him or something. So if you're embarrassed about what he's doing, you have to ask yourself if kissing him was the right thing to do. You might also consider that maybe all this boyfriend/girlfriend stuff isn't what you need right now; situations like this often come with having a relationship.
--Tiffany, IML Mentor
Dear Jan,
Wow…have you ever noticed that boys and girls can see the same situation in two completely different ways? For example, watch a romantic movie. Most of the ladies will leave the theater with dreamy looks on their faces and hope in their hearts that one day they'll find their Prince Charming. The guys? "That was too girly, where's the guns and the car crashes?!?" Same movie, two completely different opinions.
The same goes for this kiss. Obviously you didn't want to tell anyone about your kiss, but he felt it was the news of the century! Maybe he meant for it to get all over school, but it could also be that, in his excitement about the kiss, he told some people, and they told some people, and so on. However it happened, you have a right to be uncomfortable with people knowing. So here's my advice:
- Discuss with your boyfriend (and any future boyfriends) that you don't want the whole school district to know about your personal moments.
- Ask him who he told. When? How? Most importantly, why?
- Damage control. Decide together how you'll both respond if people ask about your kiss.
- Ask yourself if this guy is really someone you want to be with. This is just a kiss. Can he be trusted not to blab anything else, like personal things you tell him? This behavior may reveal a lot about him and you might decide he's not for you.
--Johanne, IML Mentor
Back
Dear IML,
I have this really sweet girlfriend. Last week one of my friends, another girl, started flirting with me and she won't stop no matter what. When I told my girlfriend about it she got really depressed. I tried to make her feel better and I did a little, but she still has a bad feeling. What should I do?
--Bradon, 12
Dear Bradon,
You're in a tough situation! My advice, tell your "friend" to back off! If this girl were really your friend, she wouldn't do anything like this to hurt you. My guess is that she likes you (obviously) and is jealous of your girlfriend. So you and your girlfriend should approach this other girl and tell her to have respect for your relationship, and if she can't then the two of you can't be friends.
--Tiffany, IML Mentor
Dear Bradon,
I know what it feels like to be in that situation. The best thing to do is just keep talking to her, keeping the lines of communication open. If she's feeling upset on a certain day, ask her why. She may just need a little more reassurance and the more you talk with her honestly, the better she should feel. Good luck.
--Mikey, IML Mentor
Dear Bradon,
First, we need to talk about this "friend." Where did this interest come from? Is she joking or is she serious? And be honest…did you flirt back? Second point: your girlfriend. It's understandable that she would feel insecure. Now it's up to you to find out why. Is she a good friend with the girl who's flirting with you? Are they enemies? Do they know each other? Where do you think her bad feelings are coming from? She might feel that this girl may steal you away from her, or that you'll start liking your "friend" more than you like her. Try to do things to show your girlfriend that you have no interest in this girl (if that is, in fact, the case). Spend more time with her and try not to be alone with this friend. Make it clear to your friend that you don't think it's funny that she's flirting with you, and that you're happy with who you are with now.
--Johanne, IML Mentor
Back
Dear IML,
I want to ask this boy out but I'm afraid he'll say no. I'm not sure, because we've danced together. What do I do?"
--Cayla, 12
Hey Cayla,
Three words for you....GO FOR IT! You have nothing to lose, and it's worth the risk. Worst case scenario, he'll say 'no' and then maybe you can move on to another guy. If he does say 'no,' think of it as HIS loss. Sounds like he will have missed out on a great girl!
--Jaron, IML Mentor
Dear Cayla,
Well, one thing that you can do is be honest with him. The only way he's going to know that you like him is if you tell him, and the only way you're going to find out if he likes you is if you ask him. I can understand that you might be nervous, because it can be hard to tell someone how you feel about him or her. But you'll never know unless you try. If you ask him and he says 'yes,' that's great for you. If he says 'no,' you'll be disappointed but you shouldn't let it get you down. He won't be the only guy you're interested in. There are probably plenty of other guys out there that would be interested in you!
--Lychele, IML Mentor
Dear Cayla,
There's no easy way to go about asking someone out. You can always try to find out if the person likes you, but if you can't find out, you might just want to take the risk. It's not easy and you have to be prepared to hear him say 'no.' But I think it's better to have asked him out and have him say 'no' than to have never asked him out at all, and always be wondering what might have happened between you. Good luck!
--Mikey, IML Mentor
Back
Dear IML,
I'm fat and I want my bf to still go out with me. He doesn't care what I look like, but his friend says to break up with me. I think that I should stop eating but that won't help, because if I stop eating, my friend will start worrying about me and tell my mom. What should I do?
--Nicole, 12
Nicole,
Do NOT, I repeat do NOT, stop eating! Anorexia (which is the medical name for what happens when someone stops eating) is a disease that kills many people a year. If you feel you have to be thin just to keep a boyfriend, he's not worth it. We're living in a society that promotes stick-thin figures, but all around the world different standards of weight are beautiful. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!!! Many boys will come and go throughout your life, but there's only one of you and you can't always worry about what "other people" think. Love yourself for who you are, and what other people think won't matter!
--Elizabeth, IML Mentor
Nicole,
Whatever you do, don't stop eating. That can lead to a lot of problems that are far worse than your situation with your boyfriend. A healthy diet and exercise is all you have to worry about in terms of how you look. When it comes to your boyfriend's friend, that's just something you need to talk to your boyfriend about. Your boyfriend may not have known what his friend was saying, or up to this point, has done nothing about it. Make sure your boyfriend knows what's going on, and how you feel about it, and hopefully he'll tell his friend to stop making comments about your appearance. I hope everything gets worked out!
--Mikey, IML Mentor
Back
E-mail this page to a friend
