Love makes the world go 'round...or so they say. If you have questions about dating and related subjects, like kissing, you're not alone. Here's what our experts and Mentors have to say about it all.
Advice Questions about Kissing & Dating:
- "I really want to kiss my girlfriend, but she say's she doesn't want to. She explained that she wanted to wait till she was older. Now I kind of feel mad at her. My other friend told me to dump her, but I still really like her. What should I do?"
- "At camp I was kissed by my boyfriend. How do I tell my mom? We are really close and I don't want to keep a secret."
- “I have a really nice BF, but I don't like him anymore. I totally still want to be friends, but I think he still really likes me. How do I let him down easily without losing our friendship?”
- “Is it normal for a person my age to be thinking about (obsessed) with romance? It's all I can think about! I've been writing a lot of poems and stories about love. I'm kinda embarrassed about it. Every night I listen to my favorite love songs while I daydream
- “Now that I have a girlfriend, I hang out with her friends and my best guy friend doesn't like that. Do I go with my old friend or with my GF’s friends? Who do I choose?”
- “There’s a girl I like, but I accused her of hugging another boy when she really didn't. What do I do to tell her I'm sorry?”
- “Me and this boy went out for a year. Last year I still liked him, but he seemed to not return my feelings. I wrote him a letter telling him how I felt and now he won't talk to or look at me. Was it wrong of me to write that letter? Should I apologize?”
- “Every night I dream about the perfect kiss. There are so many details. Will it ever happen?”
- “Me and this one girl have been friends for the last few months, and we have been doing a lot of talking. I helped her hook up with her boyfriend, but as we talked more I began to like her more and more. Then, a few days ago, she said that she has feelings for me as well, since we have been talking so much. I think that she is going to break up with her boyfriend now and ask me out. Is this right? And if she does, will a relationship starting off like that get anywhere?”
- “I had a girlfriend at school. But at summer she moved…I still want to be friends. What should I do to still be friends?”
- Megan and Kimberly aren’t sure how to tell their boyfriends that they aren’t ready for kissing.
- "I've been dating my boyfriend for around 2 months, and I kissed him once. Now he's bragging to the entire school about it, and I'm SO embarrassed. What do I do?"
- "I have this really sweet girlfriend. Last week one of my friends, another girl, started flirting with me and she won't stop no matter what. When I told my girlfriend about it she got really depressed…"
- "I want to ask this boy out but I'm afraid he'll say no. I'm not sure, because we've danced together. What do I do?"
- "I'm fat and I want my bf to still go out with me. He doesn't care what I look like, but his friend says to break up with me. I think that I should stop eating but that won't help, because if I stop eating my friend will start worrying about me and tell my mom. What should I do?"
- "I told this boy that I liked him and he told me the same thing. His parents won't let him date and neither will mine. What do I do? Date or not date?"
- "My boyfriend and I have been going out for over 2 months now. I really like him, but all of my friends tell me that he's going out with other girls at the same time as me. He tells me he isn't. Who can I trust to tell me the truth?"
- "I cannot stop doing pranks and it is killing my social life with girls. How can I still pull pranks and not make the girls think I'm a geek?"
- "I get made fun of because I have never been kissed or gone out on a date. What should I do?"
I told this boy that I liked him and he told me the same thing. His parents won't let him date and neither will mine. What do I do? Date or not date?
Well, you have to respect your parents, so try making some compromises. Try seeing if your parents will let you date if you only go in groups with other friends. However, your parents could be set in their decision, and then you really don't have an option. In that case, you could be friends with this boy until your parents change their mind. Find out why they don't want you to date (maybe they're saying that you're not responsible enough) and work on it (maybe you could take out the trash cans and walk the dog, things like that). Good Luck!
--Elizabeth, IML Mentor
At least you got through the hard part: figuring out that the person you like, likes you back! Always remember: do NOT go against what your parents tell you. For now, I would say that the best thing is just to stay friends, even best friends. Hopefully, your parents will get to know him and eventually let you date him.
--Jaron, IML Mentor
I think that you should listen to what your parents say. If you and the boy really like each other, you guys should wait until both of your parents are ready to let you date. You should never go against what your parents say, even though sometimes you may want to.
--Audom, IML Mentor
Girl, I feel your pain! I was told I couldn't date 'till I was 16! But I started having crushes when I was like, 10!
I think that honesty is the best policy. This is how I approached my parents about the dating issue:
That's how I compromised with my mom to let me begin dating when I was 13 (going on 14). This method may, or may not, work for you. Remember, honesty is the best policy.
- I sat down and had a heart to heart with my mom. I told her that I liked this boy, and why I liked him.
- She told me how she felt. She said, "You're too young to have a boyfriend. You should be keeping your head in those books -- not on boys!"
- I struck a deal with her. "If I keep my grades above a certain average, will you let me talk on the phone with him?"
- She thought about it and said, "OK." I was feeling lucky, so I went on and said…
- "Can we go out to the movies or something, sometimes?" She gave me a warning look, so to keep her from getting mad, I added…
- "We won't be by ourselves! It'll be a group outing." She didn't give me an answer right away. But when she saw my report card the next term, and I asked her again, she said OK, as long as someone was picking us up, dropping us off, and it would be a GROUP OUTING!
--Johanne, IML Mentor
My boyfriend and I have been going out for over 2 months now. I really like him, but all of my friends tell me that he's going out with other girls at the same time as me. He tells me he isn't. Who can I trust to tell me the truth?
From Deborah Hardy, President, New York State School Counselor Association
Finding out the truth can be difficult here, because you trust your friends and your boyfriend at the same time. Who is right, who is wrong? In this situation and other like it, I would encourage you to search out an adult or school counselor who can sit with all of you and begin a discussion. Having someone who can be a mediator takes the pressure off of you and can help. If the friends who are talking about your boyfriend will say the same thing in front of him, then it opens things up for a good discussion. Feelings can get hurt, but by having a mediator, it helps the process and the healing. Trying to do it on your own may create some more pressure and confusion.
Everyone is always skeptical about things like that, when you have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Really, the only person you can truly trust is who your instinct or heart says to trust. It's what you feel is right or wrong. Just do what YOU think is right, because you'll know it when it comes.
--Jaron, IML Mentor
If your friends are only telling you this from rumors they've heard from other people, I would trust your boyfriend, for now.
--Elizabeth, IML Mentor
I am not very popular, but many kids know me from doing pranks. A lot of the girls think it is stupid that I pull pranks and I am generally attracted to many girls. I cannot stop doing pranks and it is killing my social life with girls. How can I still pull pranks and not make the girls think I'm a geek?
From Janine Bempechat, Ed.D.
Sometimes we start doing things, such as pulling pranks, to get some attention and become noticed. Then, before we realize it, this way of getting attention becomes our identity. We're so used to behaving in a certain way that we can't imagine another way of being. And then, the people around us can't imagine this either! I think it's important for you to realize that everyone, not only girls, can appreciate you for who you are. You don't need to do pranks to get noticed. In fact, as you've said, it's getting you the kind of attention you don't want. The next time you feel it might be funny to pull a prank, think about holding back. See how that feels. Over time, the more you're able to hold back, the more the kids around you will realize that pulling pranks is not a "Woz" thing anymore. You'll probably feel relieved that this is not expected of you anymore, and kids will get to see you in a new light.
I know what you're feeling right now, because we all go through problems like that. So don't worry-- you're not alone! When I deal with girls, I see that there are some who don't like me, but there are some who do. You just really have to find the one that likes you on the basis of who you are. You shouldn't have to change for the girls, because they should like you for yourself. Girls tend to catch someone putting up a front or a fake side, so just be yourself. You will find a girl who likes you, it just takes some patience. :) Good luck.
--Jaron, IML Mentor
I get made fun of because I have never been kissed or gone out on a date. What should I do? All of my friends always talk about (kissing and dating) and it bothers me a lot.
How do you feel about dating? About kissing? While your friends are making fun of you for it, just think about you for a second. If it wasn't for your friends' influence, would you still want to be kissed? Everyone does things in his or her own time, and you should do what you want to do, not what your friends want you to do. If it bothers you that much, though, why don't you talk to your friends about it? If they're really your friends, they'll make an effort to not make you feel so left out. And even if your friends don't respect your wishes, it's probably a better idea to feel a little annoyed than to do something you'll regret later.
--Elizabeth, IML Mentor
I'm an older teenager and I have never dated or been kissed. It's okay to wait until you're older and more ready. My friends still talk about it and sometimes it does bother me. I have decided that I'm not ready to date, and that is okay. If you decide that you would like to wait until you are older to date, that is okay too. And remember that even if your friends are talking about it, it doesn't mean that they all have dated yet. Some may be just talking to brag. You still have all of your teenage years ahead of you to date, and there's no need to rush into situations that you're not ready for. Take your time. Dating (and kissing) will come when you're ready. Good Luck!
--Leah, IML Mentor
My first kiss was when I was 13 years old. It was with my first boyfriend who had originally been my best friend. It was in a very cute/romantic spot and it was short, simple and sweet. I know it feels bad when all of your friends talk about kissing and dating, especially when you haven't and don't feel ready. The last thing you should do is feel pressured into it. Your first kiss and first boyfriend should be special...as should all your kisses and boyfriends, but the first is something you always remember. Don't be in any rush to get it over with! If you feel uncomfortable when your friends talk about it, you can always walk away or tell them how you feel. Your friends should understand that you're waiting for your first kiss to be with someone you really like.
--Jenna, IML Mentor
You still have time to kiss guys, don't rush it. I think you should wait until you find a guy that makes you feel happy to want to kiss him, not just kiss a guy because you want to be in the in crowd. Don't worry about what your friends say they're doing, because they might be lying. Don't rush it. In a few years, I'm sure you'll have many guys asking you out on dates!
--Tiffany, IML Mentor
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