It's My Life . Advice . How You Look

We all want to change something about our appearance. Sometimes that's healthy, sometimes it's not so healthy. Read what our Mentors and experts have to say in response to kids' questions about this subject.

Advice Questions about How You Look:

“I hate wearing shorts and tanks because I'm hairy all over and my mom and dad won't let me shave. I am 13 and everyone else is doing it. I feel very ugly. How should I go about this?”

“I think my thighs are huge. I'm pretty, have a lot of friends, a boyfriend, and a lot of people like me. I'm a size 4 or 5 in jeans, and I want to be a size 2 again. When I go swimming, I always wear board shorts. I exercise, but only in gym, and I have that twice every day! What can I do to be smaller?”

“I'm sort of hesitant about wearing makeup. I used to think makeup was totally stupid and fake looking, but now I think that if applied sparingly I could maybe improve my appearance. However, I don't want to overdo it. How much makeup can girls my age wear to school without looking like they're trying to be provocative? Sometimes girls get gossiped about because they wear too much all the time, and they also look a bit silly. Also, people sometimes wear makeup because they're insecure. I'm not insecure, and I don't want people to think that I'm uncomfortable in my shoes. I adamantly dislike eyeliner and mascara, but I sort of like eye shadow and lipstick. Can you give me any advice about how much to wear?”

“I'm really skinny. I mean REALLY! My parents call me 'ottery', and ifyou've ever seen an otter, than you can probably imagine how skinny I am. But the bad thing is, my friends are larger than I am! I think when I wear tight shirts and jeans it makes them feel fat. I like wearing tight clothes, but I don't want to insult them (as in make them feel fat). What should I do?”

“I have the biggest nose in the whole world! It's all fat and big! I don't know what to do! See, I used to have a lot of problems. For example, I used to be fat, so to fix it I started doing exercise, I used to be weak and couldn't defend myself, so to fix it I got into karate. I used to be short and I got really tall. Everybody says that I'm pretty and the most perfect girl but now I have problem I can't fix. What should I do? At what age can I get a nose job?”

“I have been called ‘short’ since first grade. Now I’m in 5th grade, and I look like I'm in kindergarten! My 6-year-old cousin is as tall as me! What do I do?”

“Okay, I am kind of gothic, and wear the whole black clothes thing and hot pink bracelets. I think it’s killing my chances of being asked out by guys, and that is a drag. I mean, all the people I know are dating and I hate feeling left out. What do I do?”

“I'm very big-chested for my age. A ‘C’ actually. My friends always give me positive comments about my bust, but I'm not so sure if having them that big is a good thing because I feel I'm not ‘one of them.’ What should I do or how should I feel?”

“I don't think I'm very pretty. There are all these girls at school who have awesome hair that's curly, or is done really neat, while I have red hair that's extra long and is always in a braid. There are also girls who wear make-up and nail polish, when my parents say I can't, but I don't know why. Pretty much everyone I know has that stuff. Could you help me?”

“I know this is pretty odd to talk about to a person that you don't really know. I don't have anything on the 2 upper parts, if you know what I mean, and I am always embarrassed! Just today, I tried to look for a bathing suit
in the Juniors department, but none of them fit me. In the little girls section, they are too babyish!!! What should I do?”

“I have a party coming up and we are going to be swimming, but I don't want to take part in it because I think I'm fat. All my friends are going to be there and I like swimming, but people make fun of my weight. What should
I do?”

"I have a sports day coming up, but I really don't want to take part. I think I'm fat because I have stretch marks on my legs. What should I do?"

"My dad doesn't want me to shave [my legs], but my mom will let me if I'm up to it. What should I do?"

Dear IML,
I hate wearing shorts and tanks because I'm hairy all over and my mom and dad won't let me shave. I am 13 and everyone else is doing it. I feel very ugly. How should I go about this?
--Arielle, 13

Hey Arielle!
The easiest thing to do is just talk to your parents one on one. Get them together when they both aren't busy (but I really don't recommend having serious conversations like this at dinner) and talk to them about it. Ask your mom when she started shaving and ask when she wanted to start shaving. Usually parents forget what they wanted when they were teens so getting them to really think about it will usually help you out a little. Then tell them why you think you should be able to take on this responsibility and tell them why you should be able to shave. Hope for the best and if they say no, try not to complain. Just say something like, "Okay. I understand what you're saying and thank you for thinking about it," and say it in a mature way. Good luck!
--CinKay, IML Mentor

Dear Arielle,
Have you actually told your parents that you feel "ugly" with all that extra hair? They might not realize this, so it's a good place to start. If they won't let you shave because they're afraid you'll cut yourself shaving, there's always plenty of alternative ways of getting the hair off (like waxing), so you can suggest those. You can also point out how you're almost in high school; if you're not old enough to shave now, then when? You could also suggest only starting with shaving your armpit hair, because it's the most noticeable. If they still won't let up, you don't have to wear pants and long-sleeved shirts; you can wear capris (long shorts), and t-shirts with a bit longer of a sleeve, which will help hide the extra hair. Good luck!
--Sarah, IML Mentor

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