Dear IML,
I'm a very shy person and have a hard time communicating with my parents. My parents know this, as they constantly try to make a connection with me, but I don't know why I can't talk to them.††For instance, I have liked a girl for a LONG time and she likes me as well, but I don't know how to speak to my parents about this topic (girls/girlfriends). The same issue goes with friends (I lost my best friend when he moved away and I have a lot of trouble making friends because of this). How can I talk to my parents about issues like these, or who else can I talk to, because I don't have any "really close" friends/relationships with other family members and I don't like the idea of speaking with counselors. Thanks for the advice.
--Matt, 13

Dear Matt,
I am a really shy person too, so I can relate to how you are feeling right now. It's really tough not to have anyone to talk to, especially when you're a teen and have so much going on in your life and are feeling so many new things. Kid to parent communication is always a challenge, but once accomplished can actually be very valuable. I know parents may seem kind of out of it, but there is an advantage to their age and that is experience...and boy, do they have some. Parents can be a bottomless pit of information and a great resource. Getting comfortable with talking to them about girls and stuff may be hard at first, but it gets easier over time. I know that it seems hard to make new friends, but usually after you take that first plunge into talking to someone, it gets a little easier, especially the more you talk to that person. You might want to consider joining some type of group activity where you could meet different people. I know that when I changed schools a couple years ago, I joined a bunch of clubs and sports teams so that I could meet some people. While you might not become best friends with everyone you meet, there's a good chance you might meet one or a couple of people you really like and could initiate some sort of friendship.†Also, you expressed a little anxiety over talking to a counselor, but it really is not as scary as it seems. I used to think it was kind of weird and not for me, but once I tried it, it really helped. It may seem that your situation does not call for it, but school counselors are there to talk to you about this kind of stuff...it's their job!†Also, if you still do not feel comfortable with any of these options, then you may want to consider calling a confidential youth help line; check out Help’s Around The Corner for some good ones. I really hope everything works out for you!
--Joy, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
“I feel really lonely sometimes because I don't have a best friend to talk to and tell all my problems to. So how can I get a best friend??? HELP!!!!”
--Kimberly, 12

Hello Kimberly,
I think I understand how you feel. I was homeschooled since the fifth grade. School had been my primary source of friendships, making friends and retaining them. After I started being homeschooled, I had to find friends elsewhere. Fortunately, I found my best friend in the entire world: my 15 year old sister. I love her so much. When my self-esteem is waning she is always there to pick me up. She is such a wonderful and understanding friend that she'll help me get a grip on myself. Sometimes our bestest friends are those we live with. Do you have a sister or a cousin that you feel very close to? Don't underestimate the power of love within a family, even if someone is younger or older. I think my sister understands me the best because we share the same concerns, same ideologies, and same complaints when it comes to parental lectures! Maybe you don't have to look far for a best friend. Maybe yours is right under your nose.
--Vanessa, IML Mentor

Dear Kimberly,
I for sure know what you're going through! Especially at this age, it's really hard to find a good friend that you can always count on, I know it was hard for me, and friendships can still be a little tricky once in a while. I think the reason that right now it's so hard to find that one person you can call "a best friend" is because we expect to meet someone just like us and who we find perfect. But really, there's no such thing. It took me a long time to get that you can't make anyone like you or want to be your friend, and if you're trying to be someone else, then you're for sure not going to find that person you're looking for. Because how will someone know you better than anyone else if they don't even know the REAL you? There are definitely things that you can do to make new friends, like join in more out-of-school activities and stuff. And if you really need to talk you can go to your school counselor, they're always super helpful. The important thing is to remember that you have to be your own best friend and take care of yourself. Don't fake it for others.
--Stormie, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
I am moving to Florida in about two weeks. I am going to be the new girl in a new school. I’ve never been the new kid. What do I do?
--Saishalie, 12

Hi Saishalie!
One of my best friends moved about a year ago from Ohio to Minnesota, where I live now. On the first day he came to school, he introduced himself and was friendly to everyone. This worked well for him, because he adjusted right away. The best advice I can give you is to be outgoing, and if you're shy, just friendly. You have a chance to meet a whole lot of new friends and you might as well start your new relationships as soon as possible. Ask students to show you around school; most will be more than willing to help. Good luck and I hope ! you have a great time meeting new friends in Florida!
--Lauren, IML Mentor

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