Advice Questions about Feeling Down:

• I have a really important question. Do you think it's normal for boys my age to have stuffed animals? I have been collecting Beanie Babies since I was 4, and lately I have been thinking it's way too ‘girly’ a hobby. I asked my brother (age 13) about it, and he said if I like them, it's a good hobby for me! But I just didn't find his advice helpful. Help!

• I play on a sports team and messed up on the semi-finals. We didn't lose, but the leader of our team kept yelling at me. He kind of apologized later after everyone got mad at him but I brushed him off. What should I do so we can go back to normal?

• I just moved to the US from India. This is a HUGE change, obviously. Everything is different, from the people to the culture to the climate. I have really deep roots in India, and some of my best friends live there. I'm finding it really hard to adjust to my new home. Where I used to live, it was always noisy and kind of crowded, and I liked it that way. But now everything is quiet and I feel depressed all the time. I used to be outgoing and extroverted, but now I'm shy and withdrawn, and I can't seem to make any new friends. My parents have tried to explain that this move was for the best, but it doesn't make me feel any better…Please help me get over my post-moving depression!

• My mom and dad HAVE JUST GOTTEN A DIVORCE. I'm really upset and sad because one of the reasons why they got a divorce is my dad doesn't love my mom! He has been secretly going out with another woman. I'm so depressed and so is my mom. What do I do?

• One thing I dislike about fifth grade is that school is no longer entirely about learning and making friends. Suddenly, I am supposed to care about girls, how I look, how other people look, who's hot and who's not, and who to be friends with. Now, it would be considered ‘uncool’ to hang out with anybody in the group labeled, ‘uncool.’ All I really care about in school is learning, my friends, and my straight A's. School is overwhelming with so many complications. My dad just says, ‘Be yourself and set yourself apart from the complications.’ I'm afraid it is not that simple. Any advice?

• I have been doing Karate for 8 years now and love it. I also figure skate. I have tons of after-school activities, I help write the newspaper, I'm in the play, in band, and on the volleyball team. So I don't have any study hall. I don't want to drop anything but I'm so stressed out when I try to tackle my mound of homework. Help please!

• It seems like everyone has some kind of hobby they really like to do. I play the piano, but I don't feel like I'm really INTO it. And there's all this pressure from my parent that you have to have some kind of hobby to get into a good college. Worst of all, the only thing I really enjoy is a science program we have at school, and it's not really a hobby. I've tried sports and arts and all that and I still don't seem to truly like anything. What should I do?

• For the past couple of weeks, I've been bruising myself. I'm so sad, and it feels like it helps. I keep trying to stop, but whenever I get really depressed it starts all over again. I don't want to tell anyone, because they'd treat me different, and they'd want me to go on anti-depression drugs, and want me to go see a shrink, and I don't want to go within 100 feet of either of them. What do I do?

• My dog passed away a week ago. She got hit by a car and she was only 1 year old. I'm devastated because she was mostly mine. I cried for 2 days straight. Then I cry here and there randomly and it REALLY hurts. I feel so alone and I don't know who to talk to. I talked to the school counselor but now I feel ten times worse. I'm so alone. It feels so weird without her and without a pet. PLEASE help me!

• My mom is making me switch schools. The school I’m at now isn't very nice but the one my mom is making me go to is a lot nicer. I want to go there but I will miss my friends. I want to graduate with my friends and classmates that have been there with me for 6 years. Is there anything I can do? Please help me. I am really sad.

• I always have nothing to do at my house. It's either going online talking with my friends or just watching TV. Are there any fun activities that I can do IN my house?

• My older brother has left for Iraq and my older sister, who Im really close to, has left for Texas. I feel so sad because I have no one to look up to. When Ive had problems I would tell them and they would give me great advice. But now that theyre not here I feel sad and cry a lot because I cant handle all the stress everybody is putting on me. I dont know what to doIm so confused and so hurt inside!

• I feel like I am really ugly. My older sister always gets all the guys. And nobody likes me. I hate going into the bathroom because there is a mirror in there, and every time I look at the mirror I feel even worse. Every time I look at it, I start to cry a bit, but I have learned how to push tears back now. I dont want to tell anyone, though. I just want to feel better about myself.

• I'm really depressed! I just moved from my home in Massachusetts to California, and I'm still getting adjusted. All my friends here don't get me, and my friends in Massachusetts understand, but it's hard to keep in contact because of the time difference. I have headaches all the time, and I'm always really depressed now. I'm not that smart, pretty, or athletic, and the guy I have a crush on in school thinks I'm 'funny.' What should I do?

• I haven't been thinking straight lately. I'm 11 years old and turning 12 soon. I'm very afraid of growing up and facing hard challenges. I don't know what to do. I'm turning into a nervous wreck. What do I do?

• I am in eighth grade and recently I am having a lot of trouble with choosing a career. It is difficult for me because I am naturally good at a vast majority of things. I also just went through a depression and I am struggling with a lot of things at the moment. Can you possibly help?

  HREF="feeling_down4.html#a" onmouseOver="imgOver('go14','on'); return true;" onmouseOut="imgOver('go14','off'); return true;">My grandma just recently died, and I didn't notice how much I missed her until she passed away. I want to do something that will make her be remembered by everybody, but I don't know what to do. Have you got any advice?

• My room is always a pig sty! What can I do to keep my room clean and have fun at the same time?

• My dad and I both want me to play guitar. I was really excited to start playing it and the first day, I was enjoying it. Then came the next day and I said, Ill practice tomorrow The next day I said the same thing, and the next day, and the next day! I get so stressed out because I know that I should practice and I want to practice, but it just doesnt happen. Im afraid to tell my dad because the first time I was playing he said, I hope this isnt something youre just gonna throw away because you got bored, you have to be committed, and I said, Okay. Im afraid he'll be disappointed with me. Its my fault too, because I spend most of my day playing games on the computer watching TV, or playing video games with my friends. I just dont know what to do because Im never ever committed to anything. Please, Im in desperate need of advice!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• In books and movies, I have a weird tendency to like the villain better than the hero. Is this unusual? Also, does that make ME a villain?

• Today my dog died. He's been with me my whole life and I honestly don't know if I'll ever be able to get over it. He was a black Lab and never hurt a fly. He was in pain and died this morning at 5:30 a.m. He was 100 years old in people years but IML, I don't know how to get over it! Can you help me?

• It seems like anything I do is never enough. I get straight A's except one B all year, so I don't get honor roll. I get an awesome time when running track, but so did 6 other people, so I don't get recognized for it. I've worked hard all year with my friends in every honors class, but I'm still average. I work as hard as possible, and the teacher can see it so she grades harder and I still don't get a 100. I know there's always going to be someone better and my accomplishments won't matter. This may sound dumb, but it's how I feel when award ceremonies come around and I don't get anything from anything I do.

• Im a triplet, but Ive just been downsized to a twin. My sister died a month ago, and its been really hard on me and my twin brother. We try to talk a lot, but its really hard, because we feel so guilty. It should have been one of us that died because my sister was the strongest triplet. I hate myself for not being the one who died, because she died of a heart complication that I might have too. I dont want to hang with friends or even have fun at all because I feel so guilty.

• OK, I am a girl and all, but I am a total...well, I guess a tomboy. I read the same comics that every boy at school does. I have the tomboyish clothes, too. I dont try being like this, it just comes naturally. But I find myself hiding that fact, and I don't even know why! Like at school, I talk 'girlier' than my real voice, dress preppier, talk about more girly stuff, and hang out more with girls when I have many male friends! WHY?

• I am 11 and for almost a year I am scared to spend the night away from home. At first, I wouldn't even leave the house without my mom, then I got a little better. I would go with my brothers and sisters and then finally after a while, I would go places without my mom. But I am still scared to stay the night at a friend's house. I get worried that I'm gonna miss my mom or my home. A lot of times I think, 'Okay, I'm gonna stay now,' but I never do. Please help me!!! Will I ever get over it? Can you give me step-by-step tips on how I can improve it? Please help.

• Ever since we got robbed I never want to stay home alone, but now I have to do it a lot! I'm still a little scared about freaky noises! When my brothers see that, they think theres something wrong so they get scared too. Ive mostly gotten over my fear, but sometimes my brothers say to my Mom that they hate staying alone with me, and that makes me look like a bad babysitter. What do I do?

• I hate growing up! It is so difficult. Having all of these social problems, changing...ugh! I have also been having serious stress. I ache and I am tired. Maybe from schoolwork and friends, I dont know. What is the best way to deal with growing up? How can you make it easier?

• I'm so annoyed at school and at home because of my 'perfect at everything' best friend. She's the smartest kid in the grade, good at sports, can play the violin, flute and piano really well, and very creative at everything. But when she gets a 94% quiz back, she says she did a horrible job at it and that I probably got better than her when she knows I didn't. I feel like I have no friends and what makes it worse is that my little sister is sooooo popular, even though she's only in 5th grade, got asked out 8 times, is perfect, and makes fun of me. I am soooo depressed and feel like an ugly, stupid, not-good-at-anything kind of person with no friends.

• "I'm feeling really stupid these days. I've been trying really hard in school, but I'm not doing well. My parents are disappointed in me and I don't want them to think I'm dumb. My sister is really smart and that makes it even worse. I don't know what to do to feel better."

• "Lately, Ive been sad a lot...Im just having a lot of pain and sometimes, I have thoughts about hurting myself in some way."

Dear IML,
I have a really important question. Do you think it's normal for boys my age to have stuffed animals? I have been collecting Beanie Babies since I was 4, and lately I have been thinking it's way too “girly" a hobby. I asked my brother (age 13) about it, and he said if I like them, it's a good hobby for me! But I just didn't find his advice helpful. Help!
--Josh, 11

Dear Josh,
I think it's normal for boys your age to collect stuffed animals! I still collect stuffed animals, and I'm graduating high school this summer. A lot of my friends growing up collected Beanie Babies -- both boys and girls. Your brother is right on the money with his advice. Hobbies are different for everyone, and if it makes you happy then go for it!
--Sarah, IML Mentor

Hey Josh!
I personally think that you can have whatever kind of hobby you want. I used to have Beanies when i was younger (about your age) and whenever i would go to the big sales I'd see boys AND girls there. It all depends on what you think. If you decide you don't want to collect them anymore, then don't. If you want to collect them, then collect them! If it is your friends that are saying that this hobby is "girly" just tell them that it is your hobby not theirs, and that their opinion will not affect your decision. Hope that helps!
--Natalie, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
I play on a sports team and messed up on the semi-finals. We didn't lose, but the leader of our team kept yelling at me. He kind of apologized later after everyone got mad at him but I brushed him off. What should I do so we can go back to normal?
--From Divya, 12

Hey Divya!
What you can do is learn from your mistakes. Do you know exactly what you did wrong at the game? If so, work harder on those things. Ask your coach for advice. Ask your teammates for advice. If you don't know what you did exactly, ask your teammates what they think. Ask your coach what he thinks. Ask for how you can improve. Ask if you can stay after practice for more pointers. Those are just a few things you can do. I hope you guys make it to finals!
--CinKay, IML Mentor

Hey Divya!
Fights with teammates can be difficult to cope with. You need to let your team know that any feud you had going with the leader is long over with. Act especially nice towards this person during practice so that your team senses that you are friends again! A team is like a family; there will be fights, but at the end of the day you all still respect and get along with each other. You can also try talking to this leader about what happened so that in the future, he/she doesn’t yell anymore, thus avoiding future fights. Be sure not to say things like “YOU are acting mean.” Try phrases like, “I feel like there’s been some hostility between us lately.” Try not to make it sound like you are blaming them. But understand that they could have been yelling because they were in the heat of the game and wanted really badly not to lose! Hopefully your team works everything out!
--Natalie, IML Mentor

Dear Divya,
It's unfair of the leader of your team to stay angry at you for messing up, especially if you guys won! You tried your best, didn't you? I think the best thing in this case would be for you to sit down and talk to this person. Let him know that you didn't mess up on purpose and that he really upset you when he yelled at you. Hopefully he'll apologize properly this time. If he doesn't, still do your best to patch things up with him. At the very least, it sounds like you two will be playing at least one more game together. You'll need to be getting along with him to play properly. Good luck!
--Sarah, IML Mentor

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