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Does liking someone have to mean headache and heartache? Not necessarily! Here's advice on how to handle all the in's and out's of crush-dom.
   
Advice Topics:

Advice Questions about Crushes:

  • GOI have a really big crush on a boy. The problem is, I don't have any classes with him. When the first school dance comes up, I want to ask him to dance with me. I'm really scared to, I don't know if he'll even know my name. Please help!

  • GOI really like this guy who just happens to be my best friend. I want to tell him how I feel, but I'm scared of what he will think. Also, there's a catch. He likes this girl in his karate class. He comes to me for advice because he wants to tell her. I give him the best advice I have even though it breaks my heart. What should I do?

  • GOHey! I've been crushing on dudes since forever. The hard part is, I'm like the nerd at school. Smart with glasses and acne, so I don't appeal to many guys. What do I do? I try to ask guys out, but they all refuse. I go to my friends, and I take their advice, but it never works. I really need your help!

  • GOI'm almost 10; double digits and I'm so excited! The one bad thing about it is that I don't have a crush. I know that sounds kind of bad but it is true, I don't. Eight of my friends have crushes that I know about and when I hear them saying ‘Hey, don't you like him?’ or ‘Who do you like?,’ it makes me feel bad that I don't have a crush. I'm not saying I'm obsessed with love but I just kind of feel like I need to like someone and that I have a crush but I don't know who he is. I really need your help.

  • GOI really like this guy who used to be one of my best friends. Somehow, he found out I liked him. He hasn't talked to me since. What does that mean and how do I start a conversation with him?

  • GOMe and this girl have been friends forever (literally) and since about 2nd grade (I'm going into 7th now), I started to like her as more than a friend. We hang out at the pool and we talk a lot in school. It seems like she likes me but I'm not sure. How do I tell her how I feel?

  • GOThere's this boy at school. Everyone says he's gross and weird. A lot of people make fun of him, but my two best friends and me don't and he always hangs out with us. Everyone has been telling me that he likes me. He's never actually denied it, but he also doesn't seem to pay attention to what they say. I think I may like him, but I can't tell for sure if he likes me. Whenever my friends ask me if I like him, I tell them I like him as a friend. I'm really afraid that people will make fun of me if I say I like him too. Not to mention the humiliation if he doesn't like me!

  • GOSome of my classmates tell me that a girl in my class likes me, and will tell me at my basketball game on Sunday. Thing is, this girl is the one I've secretly liked for almost a year now. What should I do?

  • GOI have this crush on a girl, and I'm planning on asking her to hang out at recess (I'm in middle school). I'm not sure if I should. Do you have any tips on how to do it? I'm only in two classes with her, and I need to do it in the morning. Please help me out!

  • GOI just got rejected by someone I really like. That is the 2nd person this week that has rejected me. I feel so ugly. What should I do?

  • GOI am in love with a celeb! I have fantasies about him and I all day and I even get depressed thinking about that most probably a relationship with him won't work out unless I get famous all of a sudden! The thing is that I have really, really deep feelings for him and since I think about him all day in school, I don't pay attention to my teachers and my grades are beginning to fail! How can I get this celeb off my mind so I can get my life back in place?

  • GOI'm home schooled and I go to this church on my street, and in my youth group there is this girl I've been bugging over for 4 months but I am so shy since I don't socialize as much as most kids, I have feelings for her that are so deep I get so depressed. I can't work up enough courage to talk to her. What should I do?

  • GOI'm having a problem with crushes. The thing is, I like to get to know a lot of people, which is fine, but when I form a close friendship with a boy, it always turns into a crush. CURSE YOU, HORMONES! I start thinking about them more than I would normally, and it's so annoying. I wouldn't care so much if it didn't affect EVERY SINGLE FRIENDSHIP I've had with a guy this school year. Is there anything I can do to keep myself from crushing on everyone? I am not looking for any romantic relationships; right now, I'd rather stay away from them. Why can't I control my emotions and keep from drooling over a guy every time we get close?

  • GOI am the quiet guy in the corner, and my friend is one of the popular guys. I have been crushing on this girl since the third grade, but my friend has already told her he likes her. They have broken up now, but I have a hunch that my friend might get back together with her. I have not yet told the girl about my feelings, but one side of me says the window of opportunity is here. What should I do?

  • GOI have recently gotten turned down by a girl that I asked out. And this isn't just a crush. I really love her. And when I think about how she doesn't like me the same way, I get really depressed and I actually cry sometimes. It seems like the only way I can be happy is if I can have this girl. Can you help me?

  • GOI like this girl. She is fun to be around, and she looks real fine. The only problem is that she's black, and I'm white. I know race doesn't matter, but I don't think she will go out with a white boy. We are good friends, and I'm glad that we are, but I kind of want more.

  • GOI have a crush on this girl in school. I think she almost feels the same way about me. The only problem is that her mom doesn't like her to hang around boys. Her mom is like an overprotective parent. I really want she and I to become friends, but her mom doesn't approve. What should I do?

  • GOI know this may sound kinda stupid, but I think I'm in love with my French teacher. I always enjoyed my French lessons, and always got down to doing great work. But ever since the residential trip to France, I've seen my teacher in a new light. Is this normal? How can I deal with it?

  • GOI can't stop thinking about my best guy friend. I think I might be crushing on him, but I'm not sure. If I am, should I tell him? We have been friends since the 5th grade, and now we are going in to 8th. I don't want to lose this friendship. He sometimes shows off in front of me. All of my friends say he likes me and we would be perfect together. At times I sometimes believe them, but other times I don't. Should I ask him out?

  • GOI really like this guy and he found out about it! He told my friend that he knew about it because my face turned red when I talked to him. How am I supposed to act around him? I've kinda been avoiding him.

  • GO"I love this TV show. It is animated, but not a comedy. I love it so much that I have a crush on one of the characters. I have even daydreamed myself into half-believing he's out there somewhere. He is smart, kind, and polite. All of the boys I know are ignorant, rude horrors who curse and like rap music and steal locks off of lockers. I can't love anyone like that. Please help!"

  • GOI really like this kid. I met him over a chat room and he is ten. Is he telling the truth or am I in danger? He had no profile.

  • GOI think that I may have a big crush on this guy that also happens to be my best friend. If I tell him that I like him, he might not like me back or might not want to be my friend anymore, and I'm too shy anyway. What do I do?

  • GO"There is this girl that I like, but she and this guy are boyfriend and girlfriend. How do I make her like ME so it's she and I who are boyfriend and girlfriend? She's already my friend, but just a friend."

  • GO"I like one of the most popular boys in our grade, yet I'm not one of the 'preps.' Do u guys have any idea how I could get his attention?"

  • GO"There are these two boys at school who both have a mega crush on me but I don't like either one. How do I break it to them that I don't like them?"

  • GOThree's a crowd! Many of you wrote in for advice on what to do if you and your friend like the same person.

  • GO"There is this girl. I like her. I think she feels the same way about me. How do I know if she likes me? Once I know that she likes me, how do I tell her that I like her?"

  • GO"I have this guy who acts so weird when I'm around. I don't know whether he likes me or not. I like him but I don't know how to tell him. So what must I do?"


Dear IML,
Hey! I've been crushing on dudes since forever. The hard part is, I'm like the nerd at school. Smart with glasses and acne, so I don't appeal to many guys. What do I do? I try to ask guys out, but they all refuse. I go to my friends, and I take their advice, but it never works. I really need your help!
--Hailey, 12

The IML Mentors respond:

Dear Hailey,
When I was 12, I was exactly where you were, right down to the glasses and acne, and I was lovesick too! You have to remember one really important thing, though, and that's that most guys your age aren't really looking at girls to be their girlfriends just yet. It doesn't matter how terrific you are, you're probably going to get turned down by all of them! The best thing for you to do right now, if you can, is hold off on your feelings until you get to high school. It won't be an easy thing to do, but it pays off hugely: by the time you're in high school, most guys are starting to date, and the best part is that you'll be with a whole group of new people who don't remember you as the nerdy kid in elementary school. Another good reason to wait is that I don't want to see this take a toll on your self-esteem. By the time I came into grade nine, I was pretty beat up in the love department, and I had huge issues with confidence. I didn't really understand then that it wasn't about how I looked or how smart I was; it was about how ready the guys around me were for dating. Don't let that happen to you! Until then, enjoy your crushes, but remember that your friends and school are waaay more important and (at least with friends) fun to have than a guy in your life.
--Sarah, IML Mentor

Dear Hailey,
I think almost everyone is a nerd at heart, so you're not alone. I have contacts, but not so long ago I wore glasses like you. And most everyone dons a pimple-spotted face during puberty, so whether or not you have acne shouldn't matter. It may help you to take some action and ask a parent about getting new glasses frames, or if your acne is bad, taking you to a dermatologist. But really, and this is a bit of a cliche, but it's true, it's what's inside that counts. Some guy, somewhere, will find your intelligence and qualities attractive, I'm sure. There's someone out there just waiting for you, so don't get down. If the next guy you ask out refuses, don't let him waver your confidence! Bear in mind that the key to asking a person out is confidence. So stay confident and persevere -- never give up on love!
--Angelie, IML Mentor

Hi Hailey!
BE YOURSELF! Who cares if you have glasses or that you're smart! A lot of guys like that! Get to know the guys enough as friends so that they get a feeling for your personality! And if this doesn’t work now, remember that you have plenty of time to get to know boys! :p
--Natalie, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
I'm almost 10; double digits and I'm so excited! The one bad thing about it is that I don't have a crush. I know that sounds kind of bad but it is true, I don't. Eight of my friends have crushes that I know about and when I hear them saying, "Hey, don't you like him?" or "Who do you like?," it makes me feel bad that I don't have a crush. I'm not saying I'm obsessed with love but I just kind of feel like I need to like someone and that I have a crush but I don't know who he is. I really need your help.
--Blaine, 9

The IML Mentors respond:

Dear Blaine,
Would you believe that my best friend has never had a crush, and she's eighteen? It's true! You don't need to have a crush to be happy at all -- you just have to be happy with who you are. I'll bet a few of your friends have never had crushes either, and some of them might even be making one up to feel like part of the group. You'll just have to be patient, and most importantly, not focus on it. Crushes tend to come out of nowhere, not when you're searching for one! There's plenty of time for you to fall in love (the rest of your life!).
--Sarah, IML Mentor

Dear Blaine,
Trust me -- crushes are NOT the most important thing to be thinking about right now. I haven't had a crush in a pretty long time, by choice. They make things, like your emotions, very complex. A crush really isn't something you HAVE to have. It's not like the latest trendy accessory! It's probably just a matter of time before you do have a crush. Then when you realize your feelings for someone, things will feel natural. Good luck!
--Natalie, IML Mentor

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Dear IML,
I really like this guy who used to be one of my best friends. Somehow, he found out I liked him. He hasn't talked to me since. What does that mean and how do I start a conversation with him?
--Livia, 11

The IML Mentors respond:

Dear Livia,
This happens all the time so don’t be too stressed. For a crush, boy or girl, it’s strange to find out that someone likes you, especially if it's not coming directly from that person. This is even weirder if you guys are such close friends. He might just need some time to let the information sink in because he’s either shocked or surprised that you feel that way. Just give him some time to think it over, then try talking about it. Remember that you’re already friends so that means he enjoys having you around!
--Natalie, IML Mentor

Dear Livia,
If this guy hasn't talked to you since he found out you liked him, it's likely that he doesn't want a relationship with you. I would suggest you talk to him about it, calmly and when there are no other people around to influence how he acts. Do not ask him out; just tell him that your friendship is worth more to him than a relationship, and if he doesn't want a relationship it's fine with you. (You have to mean it, though. Don't have this conversation with him until you're sure you can be just friends with him.) If he doesn't respond to your attempts to befriend him again, let him go. If he lets your feelings for him get in the way of your friendship, he's not worth having as a friend. Good luck!
--Sarah, IML Mentor

Hey Livia!
Your best friend is probably scared. Not of you, but of himself. He might not know what to say and doesn't want to talk to you in fear of what will happen. In order to go back to how it was, you're gonna have to make the first move. Try to get him alone and say something like, "Hey, I know you know about my crush. I know you don't want to go out with me but can we at least stay friends?" Or something like that. If he's a true friend, he will still want to be friends with you. If he says no, then he wasn't and isn't a true friend. I hope everything goes well and it's likely that the next guy you're crushing on won't react like that.
--CinKay, IML Mentor

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