Does liking someone have to mean headache and heartache? Not necessarily! Here's advice on how to handle all the in's and out's of
Advice Questions about Crushes:
- I have a really big crush on a boy. The problem is, I don't have any classes with him. When the first school dance comes up, I want to ask him to dance with me. I'm really scared to, I don't know if he'll even know my name. Please help!
- I really like this guy who just happens to be my best friend. I want to tell him how I feel, but I'm scared of what he will think. Also, there's a catch. He likes this girl in his karate class. He comes to me for advice because he wants to tell her. I give him the best advice I have even though it breaks my heart. What should I do?
- Hey! I've been crushing on dudes since forever. The hard part is, I'm like the nerd at school. Smart with glasses and acne, so I don't appeal to many guys. What do I do? I try to ask guys out, but they all refuse. I go to my friends, and I take their advice, but it never works. I really need your help!
- I'm almost 10; double digits and I'm so excited! The one bad thing about it is that I don't have a crush. I know that sounds kind of bad but it is true, I don't. Eight of my friends have crushes that I know about and when I hear them saying ‘Hey, don't you like him?’ or ‘Who do you like?,’ it makes me feel bad that I don't have a crush. I'm not saying I'm obsessed with love but I just kind of feel like I need to like someone and that I have a crush but I don't know who he is. I really need your help.
- I really like this guy who used to be one of my best friends. Somehow, he found out I liked him. He hasn't talked to me since. What does that mean and how do I start a conversation with him?
- Me and this girl have been friends forever (literally) and since about 2nd grade (I'm going into 7th now), I started to like her as more than a friend. We hang out at the pool and we talk a lot in school. It seems like she likes me but I'm not sure. How do I tell her how I feel?
- There's this boy at school. Everyone says he's gross and weird. A lot of people make fun of him, but my two best friends and me don't and he always hangs out with us. Everyone has been telling me that he likes me. He's never actually denied it, but he also doesn't seem to pay attention to what they say. I think I may like him, but I can't tell for sure if he likes me. Whenever my friends ask me if I like him, I tell them I like him as a friend. I'm really afraid that people will make fun of me if I say I like him too. Not to mention the humiliation if he doesn't like me!
- Some of my classmates tell me that a girl in my class likes me, and will tell me at my basketball game on Sunday. Thing is, this girl is the one I've secretly liked for almost a year now. What should I do?
- I have this crush on a girl, and I'm planning on asking her to hang out at recess (I'm in middle school). I'm not sure if I should. Do you have any tips on how to do it? I'm only in two classes with her, and I need to do it in the morning. Please help me out!
- I just got rejected by someone I really like. That is the 2nd person this week that has rejected me. I feel so ugly. What should I do?
- I am in love with a celeb! I have fantasies about him and I all day and I even get depressed thinking about that most probably a relationship with him won't work out unless I get famous all of a sudden! The thing is that I have really, really deep feelings for him and since I think about him all day in school, I don't pay attention to my teachers and my grades are beginning to fail! How can I get this celeb off my mind so I can get my life back in place?
- I'm home schooled and I go to this church on my street, and in my youth group there is this girl I've been bugging over for 4 months but I am so shy since I don't socialize as much as most kids, I have feelings for her that are so deep I get so depressed. I can't work up enough courage to talk to her. What should I do?
- I'm having a problem with crushes. The thing is, I like to get to know a lot of people, which is fine, but when I form a close friendship with a boy, it always turns into a crush. CURSE YOU, HORMONES! I start thinking about them more than I would normally, and it's so annoying. I wouldn't care so much if it didn't affect EVERY SINGLE FRIENDSHIP I've had with a guy this school year. Is there anything I can do to keep myself from crushing on everyone? I am not looking for any romantic relationships; right now, I'd rather stay away from them. Why can't I control my emotions and keep from drooling over a guy every time we get close?
- I am the quiet guy in the corner, and my friend is one of the popular guys. I have been crushing on this girl since the third grade, but my friend has already told her he likes her. They have broken up now, but I have a hunch that my friend might get back together with her. I have not yet told the girl about my feelings, but one side of me says the window of opportunity is here. What should I do?
- I have recently gotten turned down by a girl that I asked out. And this isn't just a crush. I really love her. And when I think about how she doesn't like me the same way, I get really depressed and I actually cry sometimes. It seems like the only way I can be happy is if I can have this girl. Can you help me?
- I like this girl. She is fun to be around, and she looks real fine. The only problem is that she's black, and I'm white. I know race doesn't matter, but I don't think she will go out with a white boy. We are good friends, and I'm glad that we are, but I kind of want more.
- I have a crush on this girl in school. I think she almost feels the same way about me. The only problem is that her mom doesn't like her to hang around boys. Her mom is like an overprotective parent. I really want she and I to become friends, but her mom doesn't approve. What should I do?
- I know this may sound kinda stupid, but I think I'm in love with my French teacher. I always enjoyed my French lessons, and always got down to doing great work. But ever since the residential trip to France, I've seen my teacher in a new light. Is this normal? How can I deal with it?
- I can't stop thinking about my best guy friend. I think I might be crushing on him, but I'm not sure. If I am, should I tell him? We have been friends since the 5th grade, and now we are going in to 8th. I don't want to lose this friendship. He sometimes shows off in front of me. All of my friends say he likes me and we would be perfect together. At times I sometimes believe them, but other times I don't. Should I ask him out?
- I really like this guy and he found out about it! He told my friend that he knew about it because my face turned red when I talked to him. How am I supposed to act around him? I've kinda been avoiding him.
- "I love this TV show. It is animated, but not a comedy. I love it so much that I have a crush on one of the characters. I have even daydreamed myself into half-believing he's out there somewhere. He is smart, kind, and polite. All of the boys I know are ignorant, rude horrors who curse and like rap music and steal locks off of lockers. I can't love anyone like that. Please help!"
- I really like this kid. I met him over a chat room and he is ten. Is he telling the truth or am I in danger? He had no profile.
- I think that I may have a big crush on this guy that also happens to be my best friend. If I tell him that I like him, he might not like me back or might not want to be my friend anymore, and I'm too shy anyway. What do I do?
- "There is this girl that I like, but she and this guy are boyfriend and girlfriend. How do I make her like ME so it's she and I who are boyfriend and girlfriend? She's already my friend, but just a friend."
- "I like one of the most popular boys in our grade, yet I'm not one of the 'preps.' Do u guys have any idea how I could get his attention?"
- "There are these two boys at school who both have a mega crush on me but I don't like either one. How do I break it to them that I don't like them?"
- Three's a crowd! Many of you wrote in for advice on what to do if you and your friend like the same person.
- "There is this girl. I like her. I think she feels the same way about me. How do I know if she likes me? Once I know that she likes me, how do I tell her that I like her?"
- "I have this guy who acts so weird when I'm around. I don't know whether he likes me or not. I like him but I don't know how to tell him. So what must I do?"
I am in love with a celeb! I have fantasies about him and I all day and I even get depressed thinking about that most probably a relationship with him won't work out unless I get famous all of a sudden! The thing is that I have really, really deep feelings for him and since I think about him all day in school, I don't pay attention to my teachers and my grades are beginning to fail! How can I get this celeb off my mind so I can get my life back in place?
As someone who had a major celeb crush on Jeremy Sumpter, I can imagine how you might be feeling. While it's completely normal and okay for you to have celeb crushes, it worries me that yours is affecting your life so greatly. If having a crush on someone is having a negative effect, then it may not be so healthy for you emotionally. You said that you feel depressed whenever you think about not being with him and that your grades are dropping, both of which are not good things. I think it would really benefit you if you could talk to someone you trust about how you are feeling like a parent, teacher, counselor, or therapist. I really hope it works out for you and you start feeling better soon!
--Joy, IML Mentor
I'm home schooled and I go to this church on my street, and in my youth group there is this girl I've been bugging over for 4 months but I am so shy since I don't socialize as much as most kids, I have feelings for her that are so deep I get so depressed. I can't work up enough courage to talk to her. What should I do?
I get the whole shy thing, and I know it's hard. Why don't you try to get closer with some of her friends first and find out a bit more about her? Or just try to work up enough courage to talk to her about something really casual, like an activity your group is doing that night. Small talk is the best way to get more comfortable with people because there's no pressure, you can talk about whatever. Maybe after you've been around her a while you might feel comfortable enough to ask her to hang out with a few friends before church, or after church. That way, again, you can get to know her. If you still have feelings for her, then you might feel comfortable enough to tell her about them. I know it can be scary to talk to someone you really like, but you don't she'll never know how great you are. By the way, it's very cool that you go to youth group -- that will really help with shyness, trust me -- and don't let home schooling hold you back from getting to know other kids. For more advice on dealing with crushes, don't forget to check out IML's Crushes section!
--Stormie, IML Mentor
Crushes are always difficult, especially for people like you and me who are a little shyer than most. What works for me is talking to that person that I like one-on-one. That way, I only have to deal with the one person, not a whole motley crew of people all at one time. Also, maybe if you hang out with this girl more, you will feel more comfortable with her and therefore make it a little easier to tell her how you feel. Taking that plunge to tell someone how you feel about her may seem really scary, but just take a deep breath and go for it whenever you feel like you can. Also, maybe if you tell her or at least someone else how you feel, you might not feel as depressed. Talking to someone helps to get all of those feelings off your chest and can really make you feel a lot better. I really hope it works out for you and good luck!
--Joy, IML Mentor
I'm having a problem with crushes. The thing is, I like to get to know a lot of people, which is fine, but when I form a close friendship with a boy, it always turns into a crush. CURSE YOU, HORMONES! I start thinking about them more than I would normally, and it's so annoying. I wouldn't care so much if it didn't affect EVERY SINGLE FRIENDSHIP I've had with a guy this school year. Is there anything I can do to keep myself from crushing on everyone? I am not looking for any romantic relationships; right now, I'd rather stay away from them. Why can't I control my emotions and keep from drooling over a guy every time we get close?
I think this is a totally normal problem. The thing is, you probably like these guys just as friends, but then you think they're cute at the same time, and that's where it gets tricky. It's okay to think your guy friends are cute, and it's okay to be friends with guys that you admire. The important thing is to remember that if you're not looking for anything more than friendship, then steer clear of flirting and your friends probably won't think you like them. If you like someone so much you can't stand it, then I think it has to come down to either tellling the guy your feelings or stepping back from the relationship. The reason you have feelings for these guys might be because you like them so much as friends and add in the cute factor...what's not to like, right? I wish there was a secret to NOT liking people, but there's just not. Try to focus on doing friendly things with them but don't cut guys out of your life totally, because then you'll miss out on a lot of fun!
--Stormie, IML Mentor
It is totally understandable and completely normal to have crushes on multiple guys. I know that I myself sometimes have mixed feelings towards so many guys that it's hard to keep track of them. Also, you are exactly right when you cursed those hormones of yours. It sounds like your hormones are just in a state of full power. This can be frustrating becuase you may have all these great guy friends, but because of those pesky hormones you may tend to see them as a little more than just friends. The best thing to do is to just take a step back from the situation and ask yourself, "Do I really like this guy, or do I just like him for the fact that he is a guy?" Also, just because you may have feelings towards a guy does not mean you have to have a relationship with him. If there's flirting going on, there does not have to be anything beyond that. Those hormones will also most likely settle down in time, so just take a deep breath and try to enjoy the good time s you have with all these nice guys in your life!
--Joy, IML Mentor
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